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Chapter 14
"Emily, please don't be sad," her friend, suitemate and fellow service sub, Luna, knelt by her bed while Emily lay facing the wall.
Emily didn't say anything, she just pulled the blankets more snugly around her ears. There was nothing to say. She wasn't sad, she just didn't know what she was. She had experienced drop before, but it hadn't felt like this. She had never felt like this. And having Luna here wasn't helping. She just wanted to be alone.
"Go away," she retorted. "I don't need a babysitter. I'll be fine." She would be fine. And if she wasn’t, Luna’s room was connected to hers with only a living area between them. She knew how to call out if she needed something.
"Sorry, babe, no can do. I'm taking my orders from the big boss and I'm not going to disobey Master Derek. I don't have a death wish." Her friend's voice softened when she continued. "I’ll go over there though and leave you be for now, as long as you eat dinner when it comes, and let me know if you need anything."
"Fine," Emily whispered thickly as a tear fell from her eye. She scrunched her hand into a tight fist and resisted the urge to stick her thumb in her mouth, something she had never done. She felt so off kilter. If she had a stuffy, she would be squeezing it to death right about now and wiping her tears on the soft fur. But she wasn't a Little, so she didn’t have one, and she wouldn't be caught dead sucking her thumb, no matter how strong the need for comfort became.
She pulled the blanket tighter around her body and curled into the fetal position.
The truth was she was thankful to Derek for sending her friend to take care of her; she didn't want to be alone, and knowing she wasn't did help. But it wasn't Luna that she wanted taking care of her. It was Professor Rogers, and that scared the hell out of her.
That was the reason she hadn't called him; despite the promise she had made. What her emotional self wanted in the moment and what her rational side needed were on opposite ends of the spectrum.
Emotionally, she wanted him there, holding her. Rationally, she hated the thought of aftercare. She hated that she seemed to need it so deeply and that she had dropped so hard.
She wanted him, but that wasn’t a permanent solution, and the reality of her own feelings was killing her. She had known after their week of working together that he was dangerous. She should never have agreed to be his for the weekend once she realized that he was Master Cole. She should have known that the weekend would be too perfect and that she would fall too deep and hard, and that sleeping with him and pretending to be his would be too much. He was a threat to everything she thought she wanted, or in her case, didn't want.
He made her want a real relationship. A full time dynamic. A Dom to call her own.
She told herself that she wasn’t herself right now and that the feelings were tied to the intense drop she was suffering, but they felt so real. She was filled with an overwhelming urge to get out of bed, put on real clothes and run down to the library to find him. She had to force herself to ignore her urges, burrowing further under the covers and tucking them tightly around her body to keep herself there. This would pass eventually, and she didn't want to let her emotions get her into something she couldn't easily get out of.
That was why she hadn't called him when she dropped. He had told her to call if she needed him. But she had Luna, and Derek was watching out for her, too, so she didn't need him. Needing him and wanting him were two very different things.
She closed her eyes and tried to force herself to catch a nap before dinner. She was almost asleep when Luna's shriek broke through the silence.
Rolling over, she peered out from beneath the covers and glared at her friend.
"What the hell?" she spat between gritted teeth. "I was almost asleep."
Luna ignored her and continued shrieking, waving her phone around in the air like a crazy person.
"Who's that author you're like, obsessed with? What's her name?"
"There are several, I guess," she answered with an exaggerated sigh. "Why?"
"Yeah, okay. You have lots of favorite authors, but who is the one whose book you got caught reading when you were supposed to be working?"
Just the mention of that day brought her thoughts back around to Dalton and made her gut clench. "Arabella Cole," she answered.
"Uh…. yeah, that's what I thought. You're going to want to look at this.” Luna shoved her phone in Emily's face.
Emily wanted to sleep, not read, but the headline screamed at her. "ARABELLA COLE... in hiding at a kink ranch in Montana?"
"A kink ranch in Montana? Do they mean Rawhide?"
"Do you know of any other kink ranches in Montana?" Luna deadpanned.
Emily stared at her friend, her heart pounding in her chest. Now this was something to get out of bed for. She sat up and swung her legs over the side. "Oh my God. I have to meet her. I wonder what she's doing here and how long she will be here. What does she look like? Does it have a picture? There's never a photo on any of her books or social media pages. She's super mysterious. What if we can't find her?"
"Well, uh… okay, so you didn't read the article." Luna grabbed the phone away from her, and aggressively poked the screen. "First of all, Em, she is a he."
"What?" Emily stared at her confused.
"Arabella Cole. It's a pen name. For a male author."
