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The truth was I had a damn good idea of Blake's whereabouts, and I was about to join him.
* * *
Blake
When the door to Merry's room pushed open, I nearly jumped out of my skin, fighting the urge to flatten myself against the wall. The suitcases rolled in, followed by a pair of worn boots I knew well, and I heaved a sigh of relief. It was only Slade.
"You sure you don't want to just come downstairs and say hello?" he scoffed.
"I dunno, man," I groaned.
"You think ambushing her in her room is the way to go?"
"Well, I thought it was, but when you put it that way, now, I'm not so sure."
Slade grimaced, throwing the suitcases onto the bed. "Blake, pull yourself together, man. Dom up. You're supposed to be the hardass between the two of us, remember?" He shook his head. "What is going on with you?"
I had been thinking the same thing all day. And the only thing I could figure was that I loved that woman, and I was deathly afraid of failure. Afraid she would look at the two of us, laugh her ass off, and run for the hills. Our plans would be ruined, and so would Christmas. I didn't say anything, and Slade just shook his head and laughed. "Man, screw the plan. Go down there and get our girl. I had my time alone with her. Have yours, you'll feel better."
I didn't have time to accept or reject the plan change before the door flew open, and Merry entered, her face like a deer in the headlights as she stared at the two of us.
Her mouth opened, and we both jumped to speak at the same time, afraid of what she would say if we gave her a chance.
"Slade, leave." She pointed at the door, and we both gaped at her. This was not going according to plan.
"Yes, ma'am." Slade nodded, removing his hat, as he walked through the open door, shooting me a look of bewilderment as he left. I sat on the bed silently as Merry closed the door behind him.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
We both spoke at once.
She gaped at me, her mouth hanging open in surprise. "What on earth are you apologizing for, Blake? You didn't do anything."
"I didn't listen. I asked you to choose. I made assumptions that I now know were largely erroneous."
She was shaking her head, dumbfounded as I listed out my regrets. "I cheated on you!" she exclaimed.
It was my turn to shake my head. "No, baby girl, you didn't. There was no promise of exclusivity and no acts of impure nature happening on either end. I suppose you would have told us that, if we had bothered to let you explain. I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing! You're ridiculous! It doesn't matter if we were exclusive or not. It was Slade! Your best friend. Your brother. Slade, of all people!" I watched her work herself into a frenzied state and knew that it would be better to let her continue on, airing her frustrations and feelings. There would be time to argue, later. "And no, nothing had happened with either of you, at that point, but it would have, eventually," she cried, throwing her hands in the air as she sank onto the bed beside me. "I wanted it to," she whispered, as the fight began to leave her. It was much like watching a balloon deflate.
"But it didn't."
"But I wanted it to!" Her cry was desperate and tortured. "With both of you!"
"Okay." That was what we wanted, too, but now was not the time to let her in on our little secret.
"I had to leave. I couldn't choose between you, and I couldn't come between you."
"Okay," I repeated dumbly.
"And now, Slade shows up on my doorstep, talking about forgiveness and family, and acting like we can just start over and move on. Like nothing ever happened. I wish he was right. I wish it with all my heart. But you can't forgive me, either of you. I can't ask you to do that." Her voice was thick with tears. I wanted them to fall, just so I could wipe them away.
"We've already forgiven you, baby girl. Long ago. Now, you just need to forgive yourself."
"I can't." The whine was the same one that haunted my memories.
