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I chuckled. “Just go with it.”
“Fine, but you’re way too cute, you know that?”
“What were you thinking about?” Gemma asked, her voice breaking me from my reverie. “Must have been something that made you happy because you’re smiling.”
I shook my head, trying to push those thoughts to the back of my mind again. “Just thinking about my appointments today,” I lied. “It’s going to be a long day for me.” It was better that I didn’t bring up the past and muddle the present. Neither of us needed that.
She nodded. “I still can’t believe people voluntarily risk their lives on a surfboard.”
“Risks make life worth living.” At least, I always believed so. Without all the risks I’d taken, my life would be nothing. I wouldn’t have kept Mason, I wouldn’t have found this place that became my home away from home, or even taken the biggest risk of all by getting into bed with this woman who was also working for the resort three years ago.
“Spoken like a true adventurer.”
I gave her a confused look. I was definitely not an adventurer, just willing to do the little things that kept life exciting. But to her, I could see how she’d see me that way. Gemma liked everything neat and tidy, organized, with everything having a place and in its place. Me, I threw caution to the wind and didn’t worry so much about what would come next, aside from those things that would have an impact on my son, then I was much more careful.
“Never mind,” she said. “What I’m trying to say is, you’ll never see me out on one of those things. Those waters are unpredictable and you don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“You take risks every single day, Gemma. You just don’t realize it. Driving is a risk. Car accidents happen more often than you think. Technically, beaches often have bacteria or other harmful substances lurking in the water or on the sand. You’re taking a risk right now just being here with me.”
Her nose wrinkled like she was trying to make sense of that. Then she dropped her voice and said, “I took a risk the last time I was here and practically jeopardized my whole business. I had clients threatening to leave me, my sister went through a breakup and needed me, but I wasn’t there, where I should’ve been. I was here, in Miami, miles and miles away from my responsibilities.”
I inhaled deeply. “I didn’t know any of that.”
She angled her head to the side. “How could you?”
I felt bad for her. Sorry that she couldn’t see a path for herself to happiness, that she put so much on her shoulders. She didn’t deserve that kind of pressure. “You should learn to let people in. Not everyone will disappoint you, you know.” I had a feeling that was what it was all about for her, fear that if she gave up an inch, she’d lose a mile, whether of herself or the control she had, I didn’t know, but it felt a fitting reminder.
She swayed her head back and forth and then stopped to look directly at me. “You always understood me.”
“I know.”
Eyes narrowed, she laughed out of the blue, probably due to nerves. “Hey, how’s your son doing?” Gemma asked suddenly.
“He’s good,” I answered. “Growing like a weed.”
“You’re lucky to have him.”
I heard her voice crack and had a feeling this had to do with the fact that she once told me she always wanted to have a family of her own, but between work and her lack of a serious relationship, she didn’t see that happening anytime soon. I guessed nothing much changed in that department for her, which was a shame. Gemma would make a great mother, I knew.
“That I am,” I agreed.
She smiled and got up, taking her blanket and folding it back up to put in her purse. “We should probably be going.”
I nodded and got up, brushing the sand off myself. She was right and I had work to get to, appointments to take. But that didn’t mean I wanted to leave her. “Gemma,” I called out, before we walked away and I lost my chance, “I don’t regret it.”
When she turned around and her eyes sparkled, I knew she knew what I was talking about. I didn’t regret what we did three years ago and I needed her to know that. It was difficult saying goodbye and I wished we never did, but I didn’t regret it for one second. “Me neither,” she said softly and I fought the urge to reach out and pull her into my arms.
Chapter Twelve
Gemma
Sophie popped a pretzel in her mouth and then passed the bag to Coco who was sitting on the bed next to her. I walked out of the bathroom wearing a pink bikini with white polka dots on it. “Now that’s the one,” Sophie said, her mouth curling into a wicked smile. “You look hot.”
I couldn’t believe I was looking to my sister and her best friend to tell me whether or not I was wearing the right thing for my surfing lesson. I knew it wasn’t exactly the point of my last conversation with Lance, but I decided it was a good first step in the right direction.
The truth was, I had become more closed off since I last saw Lance and I missed the way I used to be with him. Being with him reminded me of that. Maybe there was a way I could be less of a party pooper while not shirking my responsibilities. I didn’t have to choose, did I? I could have it both ways. Said no one ever.
I looked down and started pulling at the triangle top. “It doesn’t have enough material.”
