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Anna responds with a tight smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “It was excellent. Thank you,” she replies with a brittle laugh.
Twenty
Anna
The silence on the drive back to Knight Security is profound. Neither of us attempt to speak. I mean, what did I expect him to say? I close my eyes wearily.
As soon as Carson turns off the car, I open the passenger door and jump out. As I head to my car, Carson tries to stop me. “Anna! Listen.” But I don’t slow my steps, and I don’t turn around. Once I’m in my car, I immediately start the engine, wanting to avoid a conversation, but Carson approaches my window. I take a deep breath, and then, with reluctance, I hit the button to roll it down. I refuse to make this easier for him.
I sit there staring straight ahead. When he doesn’t say anything, I finally cut my eyes to his. “You’re more than an acquaintance, and you know it. Words just failed me there for a minute.”
I nod without responding. He finally spreads his hands and says, “I’m sorry. Okay?”
“Thank you for the apology, Carson.” He winces at my icy tone.
As he goes to turn away, I state, “An acquaintance? Really?” I give him a tight smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes, “You could have just introduced me as your friend, Carson.”
He freezes, then slowly leans down toward the window and reaches in to turn my chin toward him. In a deadly quiet voice, he states, “You and I have never been friends, Anna.”
With those parting words, he stalks away. After he’s gone, I blink back the tears that well in my eyes, hot and stinging. I put the car in drive and pull out into the Jacksonville city traffic. About a block down the road, the tears spill over and silently roll unchecked down my cheeks. I feel their dampness as they soak into my silk shirt, but I don’t care. I let them fall.
By the time I enter the apartment, my tears have dried, leaving behind a numbness. I grimace, remembering one of Carson and Connor’s favorite songs, Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb. That’s exactly how I feel. Instead of going to the master bedroom, I’m drawn to the spare bedroom. A sense of foreboding snakes through my body.
I know I hurt Carson all those years ago, but he’s the one who wouldn’t listen. He never even gave me a chance to explain.
I sit down in the small armchair as I think back… to when I discovered I carried Carson’s child. I felt numb then, too, but it didn’t last long. When a doctor confirmed my pregnancy, the news came as a physical shock. Once the numbness finally left, it opened the door to a flurry of emotions – fear, excitement, and a gnawing worry about Carson. I knew I had to tell him, but a cold knot of dread coiled in my stomach.
Picking up my phone, I hit his number, my heart hammering against my ribs. Then, I realized Carson had blocked my calls when they went directly to his voicemail. I stammered out a message. Asking him to call me. I didn’t hint at why, just that I needed to speak with him. He never returned any of my calls.
I went to Graham’s bedside. It was one of his rare good days. He was sitting up in bed and gave me a gentle smile when I entered.
“Anna, are you alright? My dear child, you look like somebody who just lost their best friend,” he said in a voice that held his concern.
I sat down on the side of the bed, reached over, and took his frail hand in mine. I looked down, seeing his parchment-like skin, showing his dark veins. The chemotherapy treatments had not been kind. He looked so white against the sterile sheets.
“Graham, I’m pregnant,” I admitted in a low voice.
He nodded and squeezed my hand, “I take it the father, is the young hot head from the cruise?”
I gave a small laugh at his accurate depiction of Carson. “Yes,” I admitted with a sigh.
“Anna, I’m so sorry that I put you in this situation,” he said in a sorrowful voice.
“Graham, you did no such thing. You offered me financial freedom,” I assured him in a fond voice.
“Only so you could care for me,” he pointed out ruefully.
“I would have taken care of you no matter what. You’re the only family I’ve got.”
The unconditional love that shined out of his eyes had my eyes watering. “So, if you decide to marry this man, I could contact my lawyer. I’m sure we could get an annulment.”
A flicker of hope flared in my chest, but it was quickly extinguished as I remembered Carson’s final goodbye. “Thank you, Graham. But, I… I don’t think he’d listen to me right now.”
“Anna, from what you’ve told me of him, he may be a hot head, but there had to be something redeemable about him for you to fall in love with him,” his gentle voice held a note of admonishment.
“There was,” I admit to him. “I just don’t know how to get through to him.” I adjusted some of the tubes that went from his weakened body to the machine’s beeping plaintively in the corner. “Besides, who would take care of you?”
“I have plenty of money; I could hire someone,” he assured me stubbornly.
