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Later that night, we fall into what is becoming our nightly routine. I tuck Connor in and step out of the room, leaving Carson to say goodnight. He typically sits with Connor for a few minutes.
Tonight, when he comes out of Connor’s room, he nods to me, “I’ll see you and Connor in the morning. I’m going to call my brothers and let them know that I have a son. We’ll probably be meeting at Chase’s house tomorrow night.”
“Alright. See you tomorrow,” I say with a pasted-on smile.
After he turns and leaves the room, I go into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of white wine. I carry it with me into my bedroom. My gaze drifts around my room. It’s fairly large, with a queen-sized bed, a large armchair, a mid-sized dresser, and a walk-in closet. It’s decorated in all different colors of blue. It’s beginning to feel like it’s my space.
I put on my pajamas, a lightweight cotton cami, and short set. It has dainty scalloped piping around the edges that makes me feel feminine. I lounge in the armchair with my e-reader.
I sigh as I close the lid. I can’t quite get into the story of the grumpy male character who falls head over heels for the heroine. Not when I have my very own version of an alpha grumpy male right down the hall.
And his hooded glances are doing a number on my dormant libido. At least it used to be dormant. I grin ruefully. Leaning my head back against the armchair, I close my eyes and think back over the afternoon and how it felt to sit on the dock like a real family.
It’s what I used to dream about. Carson, me, and our son. Maybe if I had handled things differently or had explained about Graham, I grimace. The past is the past. And honestly, if I had to do things over - I still would have married Graham when he offered. I can’t regret being there for him. No one should have to go through terminal cancer alone.
I wearily get up from the armchair and crawl into bed.
It feels like I have just closed my eyes when I hear my son cry out. I scramble to pull back the covers, jump out of bed, and rush to his bedside.
“Connor? Baby, you okay?” I approach the bed to find Connor with tears streaming down his face.
“Yeah,” he sniffles. “I had a nightmare,” he admits in a shaky voice. I sit down on the side of the bed, “You’re safe.” I reach out a hand and smooth his hair off his forehead. I reach down and place my hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright now?” I turn when I hear Carson at the door.
He has a frown on his face as he stands there in a pair of boxers and nothing else.
“I thought I heard something…” His voice trails off when he gets a good look at Connor’s face. He comes over and crouches by Connor’s bed. Close to where I’m already sitting, his bare torso brushes against my legs. “Hey, Buddy, you okay?”
Connor tries to wipe away his cheeks with a brave hiccup. “I had a nightmare. When I opened my eyes, it was black. I couldn’t see anything.”
Carson says, “Nightmares can be scary.” He looks around and then over at the dark nightlight, “The bulb went out.” He stands and runs a hand through his hair. “I think I may have another bulb or another night light. Let me check.” He unplugs the light and takes it with him. He glances over at me with a nod, turns, and quietly leaves.
I reach out and take Connor’s small hand in mine. “What was the nightmare about?” I ask gently.
“I dreamt that you and Dad left me,” he sniffles again, “I was all alone.”
I lean down and cradle him in my arms like when he was a baby. I rub his back as I lightly rock us back and forth, “You will never be alone, Connor. You have me and now your dad. We love you dearly, and we will never, ever leave you.” He gives a shaky nod, still wrapped tightly in my arms.
“You even have a grandma. You saw how much she cares for you. Tomorrow, you’ll meet even more family. And all of them will love you, too.” I lean back and tilt his chin up. As I look into his watery eyes, a trace of fear still lingers. “You will never be alone. You will always be surrounded by family who love you. Understand?”
I watch as he smiles shakily, “Yeah, Mom. Thanks.”
I reach out and cup his cheek. “I love you, kiddo. So, much. And so does your dad.”
I’m suddenly aware of Carson’s presence as he stands in the open doorway. He clears his throat as he steps into the room with a night light in his hand. He walks over to the wall opposite the bed and plugs it in. Instantly, the room is filled with dim light.
“There, that ought to do it. What do you think, Connor?” He asks solemnly.
Connor again sniffles and says, “Thanks, Dad.”
“Anytime, Son.” Carson walks over, leans down, and hugs him. “We’re right down the hall if you need us. Got it?”
Finally, a sliver of a grin stretches across Connor’s face, “Yeah. Both of you came.”
“Yep. And we always will.” He squeezes his shoulder and steps back. I lean in and place a gentle kiss on Connor’s cheek. “Sleep tight, Baby.”
He gives a huge yawn, rolls over, and hugs a pillow. I stand and join Carson at the door. He hesitates, and I say gently, “Let’s leave the door open for tonight.”
He gives a quick nod, abruptly turns, and walks hurriedly to his bedroom. I stand there watching his retreating backside. I shake my head with a frustrated shrug; what did I do this time to offend him? I swear there is no pleasing that man. With a sigh, I go back to my bed, crawl in, and resolutely shut my eyes, refusing to even dream about that man.
