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I rub the back of my hand over my damp eyes. I can’t believe the overwhelming emotions I feel as I look down at him. I feel like I should stand here and ward off any nightmares. Protect him from any unseen threats. My heart feels like it could burst with the love I feel bubbling up inside my chest.
I walk over to the lone armchair and sit down, my gaze remaining on my son’s sleeping form. As I watch him, my mind goes back in time…
It wasn’t Cozumel, but it was someplace in Mexico where I tried to kiss Anna again. We had already shared a kiss after the masquerade party, so I didn’t think she would object. I was wrong.
We were sitting in a restaurant, we had just finished lunch, and we had enjoyed the day and each other’s company. She took joy in the simplest things, like the bright flowers that grew on the side of the roads. She was fun to be around, and I couldn’t believe how easy she was to talk to. We talked about everything from movies to music and books. She impressed me with her willingness to listen to every side of an argument or opinion. She was quick-witted but also quick to smile. In short, I couldn’t wait to spend my days with her and was hoping we’d soon be spending our nights together.
When she settled back after finishing her dinner, I looked over at her, and she looked so adorable. She gave a small pout, and her cheeks were rosy from the bright sun as we had spent the day wandering through the Mexican streets. I couldn’t help it; I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. For a moment, she returned the kiss. Then, she was furiously pushing me away.
“Carson, I told you. I… I can’t!”
I gave her a confused look, “Why not? What would it hurt? I like you, Anna.” I looked directly into her clear gray eyes, “I like you a lot.”
“No. Carson, we… I can’t. Look, if we can’t keep this platonic, then we’ll have to stop spending time together. Understand?” She looked up at me with such a helpless, distraught look that I would have promised her anything. So, against my wishes, I agreed. “Okay, I’ll keep my hands to myself. If that’s what you want.” My eyes bore into hers, looking for answers.
She nodded her head firmly, “Yes. That’s what I want. That’s the way it has to be, Carson.”
“Alright, alright,” I held up my hands in surrender, “I don’t understand, but if that’s the way you want it. Fine.” I looked moodily away, then swung my eyes back to her.
I felt her gaze search my face. She finally nodded again. “Okay. Thank you, Carson.” As I opened my mouth to ask another question, she stopped me with a raised hand. “No, no questions. Please. Just let it be. I can only tell you that my life is complicated right now.”
“I’m sorry. I… I shouldn’t have pushed you.” I abruptly stand, “Come on, it’s getting late. Let’s get back to the ship.”
I started to reach out my hand to help her up and caught myself. I fisted my hand instead and turned away. A few steps later, she caught up with me. She was biting her lip and looking miserable, but she fell in step beside me with her head down, and we walked silently back to the cruise line.
The girl had me all tied up in knots. The more time I spent with her, the more I wanted her. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. I could be patient. I felt she’d be worth the wait—
I hear a soft, childish snore, and it nudges me back to the present time. My eyes go directly to Connor. He’s sound asleep. I stand and smile down at him once more. I turn firmly, closing his bedroom door behind me.
I straighten, my features hardening as I think about the coming conversation with Anna. I stride purposefully into the living room to confront her. Determined to get answers on why she’s kept my son a secret all this time.
My hands clench into fists, but then I see her. She’s curled up on the couch, her bare feet tucked up underneath her. Her head is resting on the arm of the sofa. She’s as sound asleep as our ten-year-old in the other room and looks almost as innocent. Looks can be deceiving, I think, with a grimace.
I heave a defeated sigh and sit down with a determination to wait her out. I’m sitting opposite her on the armchair as my eyes rove over her form. With her eyes closed, I look my fill. My eyes wander down to her full breasts and her tiny waist that flares out to shapely hips. I can’t see all of her legs, but I remember them as long and shapely.
I shift on the chair, sit back, and with my brooding eyes on her, I drift once again into the past…
I think back to our time on the ship. I thought I had been patient long enough. I had been gentle and understanding. Yet, every time I tried getting close to her, she would back away. I was frustrated, physically and emotionally. I was tired of taking cold showers every night. I was tired of waiting. I wanted her, and the urge to claim her only increased every moment we spent together.
The cruise line was throwing another party. This time, it wasn’t a masquerade, but most of the people dressed up. I again had on dress pants and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. When I knocked on her cabin, she came to the door in a simple white sundress. Her shoulders were tanned and glowing from our time in the sun. She looked beautiful, and my body hardened just looking at her. Her chestnut hair gleamed from the overhead light above us.
I held out my arm, and she smiled up at me as she placed her arm in mine. We heard the music playing as we approached. When we stepped onto the main deck, there was already a crowd. Plenty of drink and food, so typical of a cruise. I couldn’t wait to pull her into my arms. As the music slowed, we swayed under the canopy of lights. She felt so good in my arms, but when I tried to pull her closer, she again resisted me.
I frowned down at her in confusion. “Why do you always pull away from me?”
I saw her close her eyes, and when she opened them, she bit her lip, “I… there’s something I need to tell you—“ Her words were cut off when someone almost knocked us down. I looked around at the half-drunken crowd. “Come on, let’s go somewhere private.”
We walked around to the front of the ship, but everywhere we walked, we found more people. Everyone seemed to have the same idea as us.
“Come on, let’s go to your cabin, it’s closer.” She kept her head down as I led the way to her cabin.
Once we were inside, I immediately took her into my arms, and she again gently pushed me away.
“Anna, what is it?” I suddenly glance down at her, “Are you a virgin?”
I see her grin as she shakes her head, “No, Carson. That’s not it. I’m…”
I suddenly can’t wait a moment longer. I lean down and kiss her hungrily, and this time, when she puts up her hands, she doesn’t hold me back for long. As I deepened the kiss, I felt the moment she surrendered. She pushed against me as her arms went around my neck. I felt her fingers in my hair, and I heard her soft sigh as I nuzzled her cheek.
