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I’m getting to know Jack.
His quirks, his tells, his moods.
I’m learning there’s way more to him than I’ve ever given him credit for over these past ten months.
“He’s not just the cocky, reckless guy I thought he was,” I tell my friend. “Yes, he’s confident, and yes, he likes risk. But he’s also incredibly smart, beneath all that bravado… and it seems like he has a huge, generous heart.”
“Whoo…” Alexis pauses—probably for a sip of the iced tea she always seems to be drinking. “Okay, so, this thing’s running deep?”
“Not yet, thank goodness. I can’t let it get to that. He started talking about where his head was, relationship-wise, last night. Almost like he was considering if there was potential for us.”
“Wait—for you and him? You’re talking post-Hawaii? Long-distance? Honey! He knows a catch when he sees one.”
“No! No. I can’t be Jack Morgan’s catch.”
“Why not?”
“Because! So many reasons. For one thing, you know I’ve been in a dry spell with dating. I am just barely starting to get my feet back on the ground after… Hrm.” I swallow down the lump in my throat.
It is too early in the day to talk about the Derek Incident.
My defenses—those walls I put up around myself just to make it through the day— aren’t entirely awake yet.
I feel the memory increasing my anxiety.
I can remember when he told me it was over. It was Valentine's Day, of all days. We were out to dinner, sitting across from each other at a table with a white linen cloth. A crystal vase with a single rose divided the table in two. I could feel something was wrong but couldn’t tell what it was.
Then, it came out just after the waitress cleared away our salad plates. Derek cleared his throat and smoothed his hands over the linen. “Hazel, we have to talk. I haven’t been completely honest with you…”
As he went on, tears pooled in my eyelids and then funneled down my cheeks.
It wasn’t that I cared about Derek, per se. I didn’t love him—I know that for sure now, looking back. It was his deceptive actions that hurt.
I could barely see; I was so bleary-eyed when I tried to leave the restaurant. I knocked into a chair and banged my shin. It was snowing out, and the roads were covered in a blanket of white.
Alexis picked me up because all of Windsor’s cabs were booked up, and I couldn’t stand the thought of getting a ride with the man who’d just made such a fool out of me.
I promised myself I’d never let that happen again.
And, so far, it hasn’t.
I’m pretty sure steering clear of all men was over the top, but that’s what I did. The walls I put up every day might as well be made of steel because they have protected me.
But that’s a problem with walls. They keep out the bad and the good.
Maybe it’s time to let some good into my life…
That’s a scary thought.
I need my walls.
I never want to feel like I did that Valentine’s Day ever again.
“Well, since, you know, whatever,” I grumble, unwilling to mention his name. “Getting hurt. I will get back to dating. I know I’ll heal, get some confidence up, and trust myself again, eventually. But that doesn’t need to happen here, in Hawaii, with a guy I work with.”
“So—you kissed him again, didn’t you? Is that what’s going on?” She sounds positively giddy at the prospect.
But this isn’t summer camp, and Jack is not the cute boy from Cabin Four.
