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She probably got home to New Hampshire and came to her senses—realized she was too good for a reckless, restless, unsophisticated dude who likes his motorcycle too much.
I’m not Hazel’s type. That was the problem.
She was ready to let it cool off.
I thought she’d reach out once she got the promotion and start it up again. All that stuff I said on the Skype call with the lawyer was pretend. I just wanted to make things easier for Hazel and spare her the burden of lying under such stressful circumstances.
Then, when I realized that she wouldn’t feel okay about going for the promotion if we were dating, I wanted to help her again. I thought if we kept the brakes on, she could go after the job with her whole heart.
But I really thought that once she got the gig, she’d make a move for me.
For us.
Then, it started to feel a lot like those lonely nights after Jess walked out. How I’d lie in bed listening for sounds at the door, thinking she’d return home at any moment.
It started to sink in: I’m doing it all over again.
Waiting on a woman.
I got all tangled up about what was happening with Hazel. I got it wrong.
I was kidding myself when I thought about love.
That’s not what Hazel wanted. Not what she saw.
So, I kept it professional. That seemed to be how she wanted to play it. Finally, though, I couldn’t stand it. All the formal, stuffy emails got to me—all the pretending that we didn’t know each other as well as we did.
Earlier this week, I quit.
And now, I’m trying to move on and trying to look forward, not back. A buddy here in Moab hooked me up with the restaurant equipment sales gig.
This new job should be helping. I’m trying to put my all into it. It’s fast-paced, with great benefits and bonuses. The products are high-end, well-crafted, and have lifetime warranties. They’re easy to move, and the commissions I’m getting are ridiculously high.
By the time Billy signs off, I’m already feeling restless.
I check on Nola. She peers back at me.
“Why’s it gotta be like this, you think? With me and women? I mess up, Nola. I really messed up with Hazel…”
I sigh and look around the parking lot. A handful of guys are getting their four-wheelers ready for an adventure, and a couple of moms and kids are gearing up for a mountain bike ride.
I’d go around the freaking track again if it weren’t for the fact my legs were acting up so badly. Sometimes, if I hit the activities too hard, the metal pins start to ache with protest.
I know I should take it easy, but staying still is hard.
“I miss her,” I say to Nola.
Nola places her paw on the console. She nudges it over to me, so it touches my arm.
“Thanks, girl.”
Now she lowers down so her chin’s on my arm, too.
“Wow, I’m getting the full treatment.” I pet the top of her head, then down her back. “I probably seem pretty pathetic, huh? Moping around about a woman I only was with for a week. But—man.”
I shake my head, thinking back. “It’s weird how fast and deep it went. I mean, almost instantly. There was something about being around her… I guess it’s one of those things. Hard to put into words.”
My chest aches when I think about seeing Hazel smiling at Lia. Hazel had so much love in her expression. Nurturing sweetness, just pouring out of her.
