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The long-distance thing is incredibly hard, even for people who have well-established relationships. Jack and I only had seven days together.
“Look, if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to,” he says.
My fatigue turns to fear.
Yeah, this isn’t going well, but I didn’t expect him to say this.
What I just witnessed on the screen—him swearing it’s over—seems even more real.
In his mind, it’s already over. We lasted one day.
If I were on the beach with him, I’d probably pull down the brim of my hat. That would give me a minute to think. Even better, it’d allow him to lift the brim and peer into my eyes.
I can feel myself pulling back and retreating. And now, he’s not here to get past my defenses.
He’s far away… hanging out with Jess.
“I’m in a boxing ring with Devina,” I murmur. “She’s fighting to keep her job… but she’s a terrible manager, Jack. I could do so much better.”
This work stuff is not the whole story. Inside me, all my doubts rise up. Does Jack still have feelings for his ex? Is he trying to get her back?
I’ve been hurt so badly in the past. Derek made a fool out of me. I vowed not to become that foolish woman again.
“Ooh, ho ho, that’s putting it lightly.” He’s trying to sound casual, but some strain sneaks in. “She’s the worst boss I’ve ever had, to be honest. You’d be way better. Everyone would be so psyched if you stepped up.”
My throat is so tight.
I want to burst into tears.
My stomach’s a knot; my chest aches with sadness.
Jack waits for me, but I can’t talk.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he says. “I mean, we have Hawaii. That was amazing, Hazel. If we need to cool it, we’ll cool it.”
I don’t want to cool anything.
I want love, and warmth, and sunshine.
I want Jack.
But all my doubts and fears stop me from speaking up.
Maybe this is his way of saying that he’s over it. He must want to move on.
Jack has a whole life in Utah, and right now, he’s probably realizing what a mistake he made, promising himself to me.
I wanted commitment.
That was me putting that expectation on us.
He’s so optimistic, and loving, and giving… he gave me what I wanted.
Now, I have to let him get out of it.
“Yeah,” I say, nodding though he can’t see me.
A tear slides down my cheek, surprising me. I don’t even know when it first welled up. But now another slides down, right behind it, and I’m aware that the tight feeling in my throat is going to give way to a sob at any moment now.
