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“Doubtful.” Blake rolled his eyes at me before he sighed and finally climbed up into my lap. He put his head on my shoulder, and I began to relax.
Maybe we would be all right. I didn’t want to end up like Jackson, broken because the person I loved pushed me away because he couldn’t come to terms with himself. Whatever had broken my brother had broken Maverick, too. They thought I hadn’t known about the two of them, but I did. I saw the way they looked at one another. The glances, the touches. And the night of Jackson’s goodbye party? Yeah, it was more than obvious. I was happy for my brother until Maverick broke his heart. I wanted to grab him by the shoulders, scream and yell at him that he didn’t deserve someone like Jax, that he had no right to do that. But I let it go. Maverick was suffering, too. It had completely changed him.
My stomach clenched at the thought of not having Blake in my life. Like this, next to me, and with me when I needed him. Would he find someone else? Fall in them with them and forget about me? I turned so I could see his beautiful face again and brought my hand up to cup his cheek.
“How did you do it?” Blake leaned into my palm. “You know how my mom feels about rehab, AA, all that crap. She’s tried it all before, but it never sticks.”
I stared at his pretty face. Blond hair that he kept short but styled neatly across the top of his head, forest green eyes that I wanted to stare into forever, a perfect button nose that sat right in the middle of his face, cheekbones that would make any model jealous, and a jawline to cut glass with.
I chuckled. “My parents helped.” Not true. It was all Jackson.
“How did they help?” Blake’s tears had dried, but he still looked sad, and I didn’t like that.
“Bug...”
The nickname I called him caused his cheeks to turn pink. I thought of those ridicules glasses he used to wear when we first met, how they had made his eyes look so big and wide. I was glad the nickname stuck around even after the glasses hadn’t. I gripped his waist with my big hands. I was a large guy, nearly six-foot-four, and Blake, well, he was just about five-foot-ten these days. Not small, but smaller than I was. Years of playing hockey had me packing on more muscle, and I loved how Blake’s body was so much smaller than mine. Lean and tight.
“Tell me what I am to you.” I pushed the hair from his eyes.
He smiled at me, catching me off guard. Maybe there was hope for us yet. “You’re everything.”
“Yeah?”
I loved how Blake’s entire face lit up when he smiled. It was like his muscles pulled at his eyes, his lips, his fucking nose, his entire being glowed with happiness. It made him even more gorgeous than he already was. He was going to have guys and girls lining up for a piece of him. That’s why he had to go to California with Mulligan. So, he could experience all the things in the world without his mother holding him back. He deserved that.
Blake nodded. “Yeah, Tommy, everything.” He pressed the palms of his hand against my chest as his excitement grew. “You’re the sun, the stars, the moon, and the air I breathe.” His entire body shook as he spoke. “I couldn’t imagine a world without you in it, you know? Our lives intertwined. The rockstar, the hockey player, imagine how amazing our lives are going to be together. We can build the biggest house, have the best things. We’re going to be so damn happy.” Blake leaned forward to brush his lips over mine but stopped before our mouths touched. “You promised her money, didn’t you?”
Not me, but close.
“Bug—”
“No, no, stop fucking calling me that.” Blake untangled himself from me and climbed to his feet. “That’s the only damn thing that would get her to even consider not drinking.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears ago. “Well, too bad because she’s not going. She’ll give the money back.”
I stood up and towered over him. “She signed the paperwork.”
“She can unsign the paperwork.”
“That’s not how it works. She’s expected there in two days. Blake, why are you fighting this? Why don’t you want your mother to get the help she needs? Do you not want to go to California?”
Blake dropped his gaze. “She won’t stop, Tommy, and you know it. She’ll stop while she’s there, then she’ll come home, and after a little while? She’ll start again. She’ll call me while I’m in California or on the road somewhere, begging me to come home and help her. And you know what? I’ll do it.”
“You won’t,” I whispered as I tipped his head back up. “You won’t because you’ll tell her no.”
Fresh tears slipped down his cheeks. “I’m not that strong, Gretzky. I’ll send her every drop of cash I make. I’ll give her everything she asks for until she bleeds me dry. That’s why I can’t go. It’s not because I’m scared or because I don’t want to. It’s because I’ll ruin myself to make her happy.”
“Change your number.” I gripped the sides of Blake’s neck. “Cut her off. I know it sounds heartless and cruel, but until she’s sober for a year, two, five, whatever you think is right, don’t talk to her.”
“I can’t do that. She’s my mother.”
“Your father did it.”
He stared at me like he couldn’t believe I would say something like that, but he knew I was right. It was the reason his parents had divorced. Blake was given the choice of which parent he went with, and he’d chosen his mother because he’d wanted to take care of her. A lot of good that had done him.
“You did this for me?”
I nodded. “For you. Because I love you. Because I want you to go off and live your life. Became the rock god you deserve to be.”
“What if I don’t?” He ducked his head before he stepped up onto his toes to kiss me. “Will you still love me?”
