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At first, I tried to puzzle out what he meant, but I couldn’t decode his meaning, so I asked.
The corners of his lips had curved ever so slightly as he said, “The planned day for us, if you're interested, is in spending it with me.”
How could I say no? Even if I wasn't interested, how could I say no? And, of course, I was very, very interested.
There's just something about him that draws me in, and I crave more of him. I want more of his time, more of his attention, more of his affection.
Even now, as I think about the look on his face and the soft words crossing his lips, my heart beats faster behind my ribs.
I'm excited. There's no way around that truth. I'm excited to spend the day with him, and I shouldn't be. Given that my previous ex-boyfriend is behind bars and my terrible track record with men, I should be absolutely terrified right now. But I'm not.
Instead, I stare at myself in the mirror, tortured by the enough-isms.
Am I pretty enough?
Am I dressed well enough?
Am I interesting enough?
Am I enough to keep his attention?
I know I am so stressed out by all of these questions. Jake would never have planned a date for us, let alone a whole day. And even though I'm not certain that Damien and I are actually dating, I do enjoy the time I spend with him and the fact that he's willing to put in this much effort for someone who he will probably never see again leaves me breathless.
The thought of never seeing him again makes me sad. Even now, standing in front of the mirror, I wonder if this spark between us could become something that lasts. I think about how I’d been the center of his attention yesterday, how he’d talked me through the stress, fear, and even guilt I felt at Jake being locked up, and the way he’d gently reminded me that the police don’t lock people up for no reason. I smile at myself in the mirror.
He hadn't only been kind and thoughtful. He'd been comforting. He'd talked me through a very tough moment when I wondered if I should go bail Jake out. But Damien was right that I shouldn’t. And my friends confirmed as much when I got back by reminding me that Jake cheated on me. They’d gone so far as to ask me why his new woman wasn’t bailing him out? Why was he asking me to help him? Why is he my responsibility?
Sure, those words had been hard to hear, but they absolutely drove the point home.
The new woman in Jake's life can go bail him out because I'm not going to. Not my circus, not my monkeys, as Ben had said last night when we were talking about the news of Jake’s arrest. Of course, they’d wanted to know what happened, so I looked up the charges.
I’d nearly had a heart attack when I’d seen the domestic violence and battery charges and that there was an active warrant out for his arrest because he’d run across state lines to escape jail. Knowing that I’m not the first woman he’s been awful to and that things could have escalated so badly leaves me both grateful and scared I got away from him. And to be honest, I’m a little worried about the other woman in his life. I’m glad he’s locked up and can’t hurt anyone else.
“What you doing in here?” Cass asks, walking into the restroom with me and giving me a quick hug.
I don’t want to tell her I'm trying to build up my courage for today. “I'm getting ready.” I hadn't told them that Damien had planned an entire day for us. I had told them that he wanted to spend time with me though.
Cass sits down on the edge of the tub with a smile on her face. “So, are you going to get his number and see him after we all go home?”
She's asking a question I've asked myself a million times. Strange that I'm no closer to any answer now than I was the first time I asked.
“I'm not sure.” What if we're not actually compatible in one another's lives? Everybody's a different person on vacation, especially when that vacation is so far away from home. Besides, I don't know that he's looking for anything serious.
“I think you should.” Cass grabs the hairbrush and begins to try to tame her wild red curls as I glance at her reflection in the mirror. “We all do.”
The fact that she and all my other friends think it's a good decision makes me wonder if I'm being silly by being so unsure. I can't get him out of my mind. I even dreamed about him last night.
In my dreams, he helps me, protects me, and makes me feel more alive than I can ever remember feeling. But those are just dreams, and my brain might be playing tricks on me. There's every chance that in the real world we won't be compatible with one another. I also can’t help but wonder about the conversation we’d been having before I got that call – the one about someone being murdered at his work… or so he thinks. I really do want to solve that mystery, but mostly, I want to enjoy myself.
“I guess I should get going.” I take one more look at myself in the mirror, then focus on Cass behind me as she struggles with a tangle in her long red hair. She smiles at me.
“You deserve to have fun,” she says softly as she pauses mid-stroke. “So don’t doubt yourself. Just go with it and have fun.”
I take her words to heart, feeling them and assimilating them until I can nod, accepting them with all my heart. “I’ll do my best,” I say.
“You better.” She stands up and gives me a quick hug.
I squeeze her shoulders, feeling loved and important. When we let go, I slip out of the bathroom and tiptoe through the cabin as Ben and Amy snooze like the night owls they are. When I’m outside the door, my heart kicks into overdrive and I take a deep breath to calm myself.
