Page 112 of Don't Quit the Day Job

This is a very bad, fucking terrible idea, but I can’t resist. Shutting my door, I take off my shoes and shirt—I usually sleep in my underwear but definitely not when Shane is in my bed—and slide in beside him. But I sit up, my back against the headboard. If I lie down, I’ll want to spoon Shane and it’s already hard enough—no pun intended—keeping my distance.

But Shane is full of fucking surprises tonight. Instead of staying on his side of the bed, he rolls over onto my lap, resting his head on my right thigh. He wraps his arms around my waist and sighs, like he’s relieved.

I’m frozen, not knowing what to do. Shane has never shown me this side of him. In all the years we’ve been friends, he’s had a few drinks with us and left. Never enough to get drunk. I notice now that he always kept some sort of professional distance. Now? That shit is out the window.

He burrows his head in my lap, sighing again. “Zeke?”

“Hmm?” Even in that one syllable, that one sound, my voice sounds tight. I’m out of my element and that’s never happened to me. I’m always sure of what and who I want. I’ve never fought a war with myself like this.

But I’m fighting so fucking hard. The club or my happiness? Go after what I want or put the club first?

I try to think of what my dad would do, but that’s a terrible idea. My pops was a loyal man. He never would have let anything, especially love, jeopardize the club. He remained single after my mom was gone because he didn’t want to have his head all fucked up like he did after her. The club was his life.

Do I want it to be mine though? It already is, but does it have to take over everything? Maybe I can have both. Rax and Finn said I could. I already claimed Shane as mine.

I can never get a read on what his type is, though. He’s dated men since we’ve been friends and no two were alike. Shane had a boyfriend that was a lawyer like him, clean shaven, serious and ambitious. He also had a boyfriend that smoked weed pretty much all day, barely shaved, probably didn’t finish high school and was content to smoke his life away. Shane was about as happy in one relationship as the other.

He said Pete wasn’t his type. Maybe that includes all bikers. Or maybe just those in this MC.

Shane nuzzles closer to me, practically resting his forehead on my quickly lengthening cock and asks, “Can you rub my hair?”

It takes me a moment to take in what he said, but I get with the program and do what he asks. The silky waves feel good under my fingers and it takes all my self-control not to pull when I burrow my fingers into the strands.

Shane hums, a happy and contented sound and it makes me smile. We’ve never been this close before. I really fucking like how Shane feels lying against me, resting on me, wanting me to make him feel good.

“Your hands are magic,” he said sleepily. “Thank you.”

“Welcome.” My voice is gruff with arousal. I tamp it down as much as I can, but there’s no denying that I like taking care of him. I’ve always had a bit of a caretaker side, making sure my partners are good during and after we fuck, but it seems like it’s intensified now with Shane.

We’re quiet for a while, the only sounds in the room are my fingernails brushing against Shane’s scalp. I think he’s fallen asleep until he says, “I like this.”

“This?” I ask, figuring it’s drunk Shane talking about hanging at the club and actually getting fucked up with us instead of having a beer or two and bailing.

His answer fucking rocks me. “Yeah. This. You and me. My head in your lap like this. You touching me. I like it.”

My hand stills. I’m not sure what to say. A drunk tongue speaks sober thoughts, right? Can he mean he wants more or he just wants this right now? I hold my breath, hoping he’ll say more. I’m not normally a coward, but I’m at a loss for how to proceed and this may be the key to figuring out what Shane wants. It’ll also talk me into going after what I want with him and worrying about the club later.

He continues talking, oblivious to my inner turmoil. “I should have asked for this a long time ago.” Shane releases a light, drunken chuckle. “Your strong fingers in my hair. It’s been so long since I’ve been touched by someone like this. So long. Probably because I’ve wanted it to be you instead of them. I stopped trying to replace you.” My fingers stutter in his hair, but I don’t stop stroking. I want to hear more. I want to hear it all.

Shane doesn’t hold back, his drunken state urging him on. “They weren’t you, so they didn’t last. And now that I feel you like this … I don’t … want …”

His voice drifts for a moment and he takes several long breaths. Shane’s body relaxes further into me and his breaths deepen.

He fell asleep mid conversation. I chuckle again, continuing to stroke his hair as he breathes in deeply.

I try to wipe the smile from my face, but I can’t. Holy shit. Shane wants me. It’s not one sided. Sure, we have a lot to talk about, namely what could happen if this thing between us goes south, but that’s not important right now. What is important is trying to figure out how not to fuck this up.

Dating isn’t my thing. I’ve tried with both men and women, but it’s never panned out. I’ve always felt like something was missing. I thought it was the monogamy of it all, only being with one person at a time. I like variety and I like it often.

But I think it’ll be different with Shane. All I have to do is think about how I could have had some hot threesomes with Rax and Finn and the mere thought of Shane had me turning them down when ordinarily, I would have grabbed the opportunity with both hands.

With a start, I realize I haven’t had sex since … fuck, it’s been months. It’s also been months since I’ve come to terms with how I felt about one of my best friends.

It hit me suddenly. I always knew Shane was a good-looking man. Short brown hair that was always shiny and in place, even without product. Warm green eyes that had flecks of gold spread throughout. Straight, thin nose that gave him an almost aristocratic look. Plump mouth meant for kissing and sucking cock. His slim, but athletic body looking fucking hot in his suits. All that I could admire, but it was never something I got hung up on. Good-looking men are a dime a dozen around the clubhouse most nights when we party. So, it wasn’t his good looks.

The moment I realized I wanted more from Shane was a few months back at Mellbind’s annual toy drive. Shane came out to help us set up and he and Reaper were talking about something, I’m not sure what. He glanced over at me and smiled, a warm, happy smile that lit up his entire face and it was right then that I realized I’d been crushing on him. His smile was my a-ha! moment and I’ve been fucked up over it ever since.

I have to make it work. More than anything else, I don’t want Shane out of my life. I want him with me all the time. I want him. I claim him. I’ll figure out how to make sure he stays with me for the long haul.