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“No. I did not. Should have. Emersyn knew and didn’t tell me. I think I was blinded by lust. And that’s what I’m chalking this whole thing up to. Lust. She didn’t mean anything. Can’t mean anything. Not anymore.”
Brody was quiet for a moment. When he spoke, his words shot Gerard right between the eyes. “You’re in love with her.”
No. Gerard wanted to deny it, but hearing the words, his heart took off like a clay target shooting from the trap. He’d fallen in love with Rowan.
“Fuck,” he said.
“Yeah. Fuck. Do you want her back?”
“No.” Yes.
“Not sure I believe you.” Brody got up and stood in front of him until he looked up.
“You sure she’s part of all the shit going down at Barrett?”
“Why else would she have come to work for us?”
“You ask her that?”
“No.”
“Maybe you should.” With a wave and a goodnight, Brody left Gerard to his thoughts, his pain, his memories. How could he have fallen for Rowan McCarthy? No. Rowan Murdoch. Gerard drained the last couple drops from the glass beside him. He’d never asked her why she went by McCarthy. He normally vetted all new hires, and he’d never checked her out. Gerard had simply rolled with Emersyn’s recommendation. Probably because he’d been attracted to Rowan from the start.
He never asked Emersyn why she’d recommended Rowan.
He never asked Rowan why she went by McCarthy.
And he never gave Rowan a chance to explain.
Gerard always made sure he had the straight answer. The truth was important to him. So why had he given up on Rowan so easily?
Was he that afraid of love? Gerard stared out across the grounds, listening to the night sounds, the shuffle and soft neighs of horses, the crickets, and tried to figure out how to fix the mess he’d gotten himself into.
By morning, he’d made up his mind. He’d been wrong to accuse Rowan without hearing her out. He needed to go back to the beginning, vet her, understand her better. Then, he’d find her and convince her to talk to him. He’d listen. And no matter what, he’d apologize for not doing that sooner. Then he’d decide.
Yes, that was the way to go. Gerard dressed, packed his bag, and headed to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Completely out of character, Mateo was awake and up before everyone. He sat at the counter, staring down into his own cup of java.
Gerard dropped his bag and poured his coffee. “You’re up early.”
Mateo nodded toward the bag. “Figured you’d head out this morning. Wanted to see you first.”
Gerard sank onto a stool next to Mateo. “Sorry I got so riled last night.”
“Not your place to apologize. Not sure why, but I was twanging your chords all evening. Friends should know when to back off.”
Gerard nodded. “Thanks.”
“We good?”
“We’re good.” And they were. He was closer to these guys than he’d ever been with anyone. He should be able to talk to them and shouldn’t withhold information from them. “You were spot on.”
“Yeah, figured that. Sorry, man. So, whatever happened, it’s over?”
“Seems to be. My fault, though, and I’m going back to either put the exclamation point on a crappy few months or find a solution.” Gerard put his cup in the sink.
Mateo stood up and hugged him. “I’m in your corner. Good luck, Gerard. You need anything, call me.”
He hugged his friend back, smiling. “I will.”
