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‘What did you tell them about where you found me?’ Her question was out of the blue, drifting up toward me as I toyed with her soft hair.
‘I just told them I found you in Spain.’
‘Good, can you avoid telling them where?’ I lifted a brow at her question.
‘Why? Are you going to run away again?’
She shifted to look up at me and fixed me with a sad smile. ‘No, but I don’t want anyone coming down on Eva and Jock. They were good to me.’
‘I don’t think anyone’s going to bother coming all the way out here for that.’
‘Then you are underestimating Harold.’
‘Okay, I’ll let them think I tracked you down in the city.’
‘Thank you.’ Her smile sent a wash of light into my chest. ‘What will you do when you’ve freed yourself from me?’
My fingers stilled in her hair as my stomach roiled. Being free of her was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to stow her away and take her home with me, telling the McGowans and Harold to fuck right off if they thought I was going to let him have her. But then we’d both have to run. Was it too early to know if this thing between us could last? Esther felt so right in my arms, so utterly perfect for me, but was it just proximity and desperation driving her into my bed? I feared so.
‘I’ll go home. Keep working for your dad for a bit, and maybe decide to start my own business.’
‘What would you do? Freelance killer for hire?’
I looked around the bus wide-eyed as she said it, only to be warmed by her laughter.
‘No. Something legitimate that I don’t have to hide. I’ve been lingering in the underbelly of Glasgow for so long, I thought I was stuck there. But what if I didn’t need to live under the radar, avoiding the real world? I’ve never known normal, but with every passing year, I want it more. Want to have the house and the family and be doing bloody school runs without worrying that someone will snatch up my family for some sort of revenge.’
Esther turned in my lap so she was fully looking up at me, her fingers toying with the seam on my t-shirt. ‘And who is the lucky lady who has your kids in this dream?’
You. But it couldn’t be you. We’d never be given the peace to live together. We’d be hunted down, and you’d be dragged back to him. And me? Well, I’d be dealt with permanently.
I needed to change the subject before emotion dragged me into its grasp, and left me teary-eyed in front of Esther.
‘Let’s not worry about the future. Tell me about growing up. Your life is so wildly different from mine that I can’t even imagine your childhood in that big ass mansion.’
‘It was pretty good when we were little. My bed was a fancy bespoke princess castle with a tower, a slide, and everything. I loved that bed. After Mum was killed, Dad lost any sense of frivolity he’d ever had and had it all torn out and replaced with beautiful, but very sensible rooms. Mum lit up his universe, and when she went, it just crushed him. They used to pack us up and take us to the beach at a moment’s notice if the sun dared shine. We’d eat soggy sandwiches, buy ice cream, and stay there until the sun dipped in the sky. They were so in love, and seeing it made me want that for myself. That love you’d just do anything for.’
‘Why didn’t he look for revenge?’
‘He did, at first. Until Harold killed my eldest brother. Malcolm Jr thought he could blaze into Harold’s place and just shoot to kill. He learned that someone like Harold expects people to be trying to kill him due to him being an utter cockwomble of a human being. It broke Dad when Malc died, and he just wanted to keep us all out of Harold’s way.’
I stroked along her jawline, smiling as she turned to kiss my palm. ‘Why does he hate your family so much?’
‘Because he was in love with my mum, and she chose my dad. They were thick as thieves as teenagers, building up from the low rungs in other gangs to forming their own together. They were ruthless together and soon amassed a crime organisation that rivalled any of the others. Then Mum appeared, and they were both instantly smitten, both vying for her attention. And she revelled in it, going from one to the other and even both at the same time. I think she thought they could all be together, but both my dad and Harold were much too jealous to entertain that. They both liked to conquer completely, and although they shared a business, sharing a woman was too much. Harold gave her an ultimatum, and she chose dad. It left him furious and wild and erased any moral compass he once held.’
‘Why wait so long for revenge?’
‘They still worked together for a while, and then Harold met his wife, and Dad distanced from him, creating his own empire. For a while, Harold seemed happy, at least externally, but his wife could never live up to the image he had in his head for her. From what I’ve heard, he was horrifically cruel to both her and his two kids, to the point she abandoned them and disappeared. Harold seems to have that effect on women.’
I sighed and closed my eyes, the bus jostling us as the rural landscape swept by. ‘Why did your dad agree to let him marry you, knowing all that?’
‘I’m collateral damage. Risk the one to save the many. I’m pretty sure he hates himself for agreeing to it too, but he’s already lost his wife and his eldest son. He wants to avoid losing any more kids to Harold’s bullets. Not to mention how unstable things have been recently, Harold is powerful, much more so than Dad. He has his fingers in so many pies that it’s beginning to strangle Dad’s hold in Glasgow, and marrying me off will theoretically end this war between the two of them. Not that I foresee it working. Harold just wants to twist the knife.’
‘You don’t deserve this,’ I said, my thumb drifting over her cheek.
‘I know. But if it’s me or Maeve, then I have no choice. She’s my baby sister.’
We ran out of words for some time; the bus lulling us into silence as I wracked my brain, trying to find a way out for Esther. Trying to find the possibility of a future for us. Every which way just ended in death, hers or mine. Harold wasn’t a man to mess with, even for someone like me who killed for a living. He was well aware of the pile of enemies waiting for a chance to destroy him, so he gathered men around him who would shoot first, question later.
