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‘I don’t think you could run if you tried tonight.’
‘You’re not wrong.’
He stood up as I watched him, the muscles of his arms flexing as he stretched out. His blonde hair stood mussed up from the chaos of the day, and he looked as tired as I felt. He started gathering up broken sticks and I braced my hands against the grass, intending to join him.
‘Sit down, Esther.’
‘I can help.’
‘Soak your feet longer. You need it.’
‘No, it’s fine. I don’t need you to--‘
Alec turned and glared at me, sending a quiver of need deep down into me. Fuck, how did he elicit that reaction?
‘Sit your ass down. I will not take no for an answer.’
I gave in, my feet finally becoming numb as the water rushed over them. It was kind of nice having someone fuss over me. My father had never been very involved with my upbringing, and my series of nannies had never been motherly. After Harold killed Mum, we’d had everything we needed financially, and had all the material belongings we could have wanted, but there had always been a lack of care. As long as we behaved publicly in the way Dad expected, he was happy. We’d grown up as a feral little band of siblings behind closed doors, the mansion being a super-sized playhouse.
Alec worked quickly and quietly, gathering sticks into a small but well-stocked pile. Pulling a lighter from his bag, he set to encourage them to light.
‘I still can’t believe you burned my car,’ he said as the flames eventually bloomed.
‘I’m sorry for what it’s worth. I just couldn’t face going back yet.’
‘I know.’
‘Are you mad?’
‘Yes. But I get it too.’
The burn of tears pricked behind my eyes as I focused on the rippling water surrounding my feet. I’d fucked everything up for him, and he still didn’t hate me. It was more than I deserved. As the hours passed with my stomach churning for food and my body aching for sleep, reality was setting in fast. I had no choice but to go back. But the thought of giving in to a life I dreaded tore my insides apart.
‘You okay?’ Alec asked as the warmth of the fire heated my side.
‘Yes,’ I said, the hitch in my voice belying the truth.
‘No, you’re not.’ Alec joined me and slipped his arms under my thighs and around my waist, picking me up and pulling me into his lap near the fire.
The tears sprung free and cascaded down my face as my future came crashing down around me. The running had given me a few weeks of limbo, but I would never be free. I should have known.
‘Hey,’ Alec said, tipping my chin up to look into my face. ‘It’s going to be okay.’
‘No, it isn’t.’
‘He’ll get bored fast. He’s the kind of guy who wants what he can’t have. When the games are over, he’ll find others to chase.’
A sob ripped from my throat as the situation overwhelmed me. ‘I don’t want a husband who I’m hoping will get bored with me quickly. I don’t want a life praying that my husband doesn’t come home.’
Alec pulled me against his chest as he let me spill out the emotions I’d been squashing down. ‘You’re strong Esther. I didn’t see it before. You were like this quiet, stony mountain. Cold and untouchable, I thought. But I was wrong. So wrong. You were a volcano, dormant and quiet, but with all this heat beneath it, this passion and fury just waiting to be unleashed. I see you now. And you can survive him, I promise.’
A mixture of emotions hit me. Dread clawed at my stomach as the idea of having to survive someone terrified me. Yet, Alec made me feel seen. For the first time, someone was seeing me as something other than one of the McGowans. People always saw me as a prize to be won for their own benefit, a friend to make to increase your standing in the crime community. Someone to fuck for brownie points amongst your friends. But Alec saw me, and that put a spark of that fire right back in my stomach.
‘I don’t want to just survive. I want all the things other people have. I want to be loved fiercely. I want someone who is desperate to be with me because he wants to be, not just because I’m his enemy’s daughter. I want passion. Fuck, what if I never have passion? What if I never know what it’s like to be kissed by someone who just needs me that badly they can’t help it?’
My tears washed down my cheeks as panic rose in my chest. I’d been with enough guys to have enjoyed sex, but none of them had burned for me. And now they never would.
‘Don’t I deserve that? To know what it’s like before being tied to a sadistic, horrible man for the rest of my life?’
