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Or killed.
If I push him too far, who knows what he might do to me? But fuck it. I’m scared. But mostly, I’m scared of losing the one good thing I’ve managed to get for myself.
“We’ve spoiled you, Anna. You’ve grown up in luxury. Had a life most in this country would kill for. This is how you repay me? By disrespecting me? You have no idea what I’ve had to do for you, the kind of people I’ve had to cross to give you all this. It’s about time you learned a few truths for your own good.”
He takes a step forward, and I instinctively reach for the nearest heavy object: a paperweight my mom bought me as a souvenir from our last vacation before she got sick. A little glass ball with a miniature model of the Eiffel tower set in the center. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I need something to defend myself.
But before my hand wraps around it, he turns, balling his fists at his sides. Looking for some strength or an answer to something on the ceiling, and when he speaks again his voice is softer.
“Anna, this man used to work for us. For one of my businesses.” He laughs. “He didn’t even know what I was, he was just an employee like anyone else. Then he discovered discrepancies in the accounts. He traced what was happening and discovered I was embezzling funds. It was one of my earlier crimes and I wasn’t very good at covering my tracks.”
Of course, I knew my father wasn’t exactly legitimate, but he’s never discussed these things with me before. He’s never told me anything about his business dealings.
“What happened?” I ask, and he turns, meeting my eyes. I notice that his are glassy, as if this is hard for him, and a small part of my heart breaks. I know he’s a bad man, but he’s still my father.
“He came to me. Told me what he’d discovered. He said he was doing it out of respect for me, and that if I put the money back, made a charitable donation and assured him it would never happen again, he’d look the other way. He didn’t even want anything for himself. But I needed that money, Anna.” His expression is almost pleading, as if he needs me to absolve him of any guilt. “You’d just been born and we were trying to buy this place and I was building my business with people that don’t give back money.”
My heart is thundering. What’s he trying to tell me?
“What did you do? Dad?”
“I framed him. Took the evidence to the police. They never found the money, and they didn’t believe him when he told them it was me. I paid off cops. The DA. I found people could help hide the money. He went to prison I never heard from him again.”
“So that’s what this is all about? You feel guilty so you’re giving me to some stranger as what? Some sort of compensation for spending years behind bars because of you?”
“No.” My father takes a step forward, but my hand is already on the paperweight and I grip it tighter, raising it, ready to strike, and he falters. A look of disgust crosses his face, though whether at me or at himself I’ll never know. “I got into debt. Gambling. It’s off our books so you wouldn’t know. I had some business deals that went south. I didn’t even know that he was behind the scenes, his power growing, buying up all my debts until it came time to pay up and I couldn’t. And there he was, telling me that he’d make me a deal. Anna, if you don’t marry him, he’ll send people to our house. They’ll kill your mother. They’ll do things to you...tie you up then set the house on fire. They’ll make me watch as everyone I love dies, then they’ll kill me. But by then, I won’t care. I want to die. He doesn’t care about the money. He wants what is most precious to me. He wants to destroy me. One way or the other. It’s the least of the evils, my daughter. The one that assures that we get to live.”
This isn’t happening.
What my dad told me is like something from a movie. He let an innocent man go to prison, and now that man is so bitter he just wants to destroy my father’s life?
This is what movies and books are made of, not real life. Not my life.
A part of me wants to tell him no. Even if I die, if he has to watch, maybe that’s the right thing? After all, it would teach him a lesson instead of punishing me for the rest of my life.
But my mom. I’m sure she knows none of this. Maybe she did, once, but not anymore. Her mind is too far gone. I’ve seen the look in her eyes when my father talks about the engagement. She thinks it’s romantic, and she talks to me about tradition and how she and my dad didn’t know each other before they were engaged.
That man, my future husband, will have her murdered, and something tells me it won’t be quick. If they’re going to burn me alive, surely whatever they do to her will be just as awful.
I can’t allow that.
But I also need some control. They can make me marry him, but they can’t make me give him the one thing that’s still mine. My virginity. My first time. I can only give it once, and I know there’s only one person I trust with that right now.
I bury my face in my hands for a long second, inhaling and exhaling in slow, measured breaths until my lungs feel they will burst, then let it all go and let my head fall back until my neck cracks.
Do it. For you.
I pick up my phone and find Cyrus’s number. Tapping out the text feels irresponsible, but this isn’t about them, it’s about me. It’s about us.
Tonight is the one night I get for myself, probably for the rest of my life. I know how I want to spend it.
Me: Meet me at the gate to my house. Keep your lights off. Just come. No questions, please.
“Is this yours?” I stare in awe as we step off the elevator. My father is wealthy, but a penthouse like this would be beyond our means.
My father was wealthy, I remind myself. I’m his collateral now. He’s been fudging income and receipts and debts to me for how long? Years?
Cyrus shakes his head. “I’ve got it for the night. I didn’t want to waste time driving you forty minutes across town to my place. Besides, my place is a little messy right now. There was sort of an act of God…” He presses his fingers on my lips when I start to ask what he means, then finishes. “So tonight, we’re here, tomorrow you can help me pick a place for us.”
