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“You have to take that job, Kenny. I don’t think I could live with myself if you didn’t.”
Dropping my hands from her, I take a step back, giving her space to think clearly without me interfering.
“Everything between us changed so quickly.” For her, I want to add. Not for me. I’ve always known how I felt about her. “You’re a planner, but you didn’t plan this. And I need you to take a moment to think about it. Really think about it. Think about us.”
Her eyes are beginning to gloss over, my sometimes-cold girl who is so fucking warm with me.
But I can guarantee what I’m about to say is a thousand times more painful for me to get out than it will be for her to hear. They’re words I never thought I’d catch myself saying.
“When we started this game, it was for this exact ending. We got there. The game is over, but I haven’t been playing for a long time. This is real to me. I love you. You’re the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, but I know that night in Vegas, you didn’t mean to choose me.” My throat goes tight with the admission. “Then the game changed, and it was all about you feeling ready for what came next. It was never supposed to be me, Ken. You never wanted it to be me, and that’s okay.”
“That’s not true anymore.” The first tear falls down her freckled cheek, and I mirror her with one of my own.
“I don’t want to trap you,” I continue.
“You’re not!”
“Kennedy,” I exhale calmly. “You have never gotten to choose your person. Not with him, and not with me. I need you to have a choice.”
I grab the envelope off the table.
Her eyes track it before finally she asks, “What is that?”
“You know what this is.”
“Isaiah—”
I offer the manila envelope to her, but she refuses to take it.
“I need you to have an out. This was always the plan, and I won’t hold it against you if you sign them. You never wanted to be married to me in the first place. I need you to understand that whatever you want to happen next, you have that option. If you want to go to San Francisco by yourself and start the life you’ve been so excited for, sign these. If you go and you want us to stay together, great. I’ll happily deal with the distance. And if you want to go and you want me to come with you, I will try my fucking hardest to make that happen. That’s why these trade rumors are going around. I called my agent to tell him I’d be open to an offer from San Francisco next season if that’s what you wanted. But I’d only go where you are and only if you wanted me there.”
Tears are fully streaming down her face now.
“You’ve never gotten a say in your own life, and the last thing I’m going to do is take that away from you again. Every option is yours, Kenny. Whatever you want to do, I will be your biggest supporter. But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t allow you the space to fulfill your goals, to live up to everything you’ve worked so hard for.”
Her bottom lip is trembling through the tears, and when I step into her space again, she meets me partway, pulling at my shirt to bring me down to her level.
She kisses me. And I mean, she kisses me.
Deeply, and with everything she’s got. Either as a thank you or as a goodbye, I’m not sure, but the idea that it could be the latter has my fear speaking for me, unable to hear her decision in this exact moment.
“Take the weekend,” I whisper against her lips.
She shakes her head no.
“Please, Ken,” I plead. “Play along one more time for me. Take the weekend.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know, but you need to.”
She hesitates, using the back of her hands to clean her face before she offers the slightest nod of her head.
Every part of me is screaming to remind her that I love her once again, but the last time I told her that before a big decision, she based that decision on me.
This time, I need her to choose for herself.
It’s what has me pressing my lips to hers one more time before leaving the divorce papers on the table and closing the door behind me when I leave.
