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She doesn’t look too sure, pursing her lips, “I know that you think that you want to be with me but you don’t. You’re just interested because I keep rejecting you. Although do I think it would be an interesting experience and do I think that we would work well together? Of course, but I also know being with you isn’t going to be easy and I know that it is possible that I would lose my entire freedom. I’m sorry.”
It hurts for me to know this, but I can’t be sure about what is going to come from here. It makes me wonder what I could do to make her realize it would be a good idea for us to be together, but I couldn’t be certain about what I am going to do about it. I hold her closer, trying to be more intimate as we are dancing together. She moves against me, making me painfully aware that this could be the last time that we are so close together. It hurts but I know what I want from her and I just want her to be happy so I can understand if she doesn’t want me.
“Spend one more night with me.” I whisper in a hoarse tone, “Then I will break it off.”
She looks up at me with wide eyes, “Really? You promise?”
I nod slowly, “Yes. You have won so it doesn’t matter.”
She looks a little confused before it dawns on her what I mean by that. She stares up at me with wide eyes, as if she is trying to process what is going through her head right now. I couldn’t be sure but I did know that there was going to only be a hundred percent about what is going to come from it. I hate that she seems so excited for me to break things off with me.
She cups my face in her hands and she kisses me in front of everyone. It makes my heart skip a beat, staring at her with surprise because I didn’t expect her to do that at all. I kind of thought that she would do something more to me, making me purse my lips because I couldn’t be entirely certain about what was going to happen between us but I did know that there was no way that I was going to allow her to walk away from me because I can’t let her walk away from me.
I will have to convince her one way or another to make her mine.
This might be my last chance…
Chapter Nine
Shiloh
When the party ended, I ended up making my way into his bedroom, feeling a bit weird because I couldn’t believe that he was actually going to give me what I wanted. I thought that he was going to make this go on for a lot longer, unsure about how I feel about it. I don’t know why but I do feel like I like him but I couldn’t be sure about it at all. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to decide what I’m going to do through this.
I guess there’s only one way to find out though.
I thought that he would have jumped me the minute that we entered his bedroom but he didn’t. This is making me feel a little weird, glancing over at him as I’m trying to figure out my feelings. I don’t know quite what is going through my head right now but I honestly couldn’t be certain at all how I was feeling towards him.
A part of me might have actually been interested in him if it wasn’t for my parents meddling and forcing me to be with him. I wish it wasn’t that way and I wish that things could have been different but it is obviously not going to be the case from now on. I wish that I could change everything but I end up staring at him curiously as I try to decide what I’m going to do about it. I couldn’t be certain at all, making me lick my bottom lip because I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do.
I don’t know what I want from him and I have no idea what I’m going to do about it. I thought that pushing him away would be the best thing so why does it actually hurt to know that he is going to break things off with me like I wanted him to? It made me a bit sick to my stomach to even think about and I had to keep asking myself what I was going to do about it. I couldn’t be entirely certain about it but I do know what I need but I couldn’t be certain at all.
I walk towards him, wondering for a split moment if he is trying to postpone this so we could spend more time together. It did make my heart soar because I honestly didn’t want to believe it to be possible but it is becoming pretty obvious that he seems like he does really want me and I guess there’s only going to be one way to find out I suppose.
I mean, what is the worst thing that could happen?
I’m not even sure at this point.
“Lark,” I murmur, seeing how he looks at me curiously, “are you ready?”
He purses his lips, and he doesn’t look too sure, “actually, do you mind if we don’t have sex? I’d kind of just like to cuddle and sleep tonight.”
I’m shocked to hear him say that because I wouldn’t have expected him to do something like that. I kind of thought that he would have tried to do something more but I’m not even sure what is going through his head right now. It is like he is trying to figure out his feelings towards me but I couldn’t be a hundred percent certain about it at all. I can tell that it looks like he is trying to hold some things back but I didn’t know either.
So I just nod and I strip off my dress, grabbing one of his shirts because I’m going to have to settle myself down. I couldn’t be sure what he was going to do but he strips off his clothing down to his boxers, settling himself in the bed. I have no idea what he is thinking but something is telling me that something more is going to happen whether I like it or not. I don’t know for sure but I do know what I need from him.
As he pulls the covers over me, he cuddles close to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. I just leaned into him, enjoying his touch because I honestly couldn’t be sure about how I felt. I have honestly been feeling a bit weird, my heart feels like it is going to pound right out of my chest. It was a bit nerve-wracking because I honestly couldn’t be certain about what was going to end up going on between us. I don’t know if he truly likes me because I couldn’t be certain about what to do.
“How are you feeling?” I finally ask him, seeing how he tenses behind me, “I thought tonight was kind of nice. It was weird having people stare at us but I guess that is what happens when you attract the attention of everyone due to this ruse.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think I would have minded making it true.” He murmurs, making me wonder what is going through his head because he is flirting, “I just kind of know that I like you, and not just because of what has happened so far. I don’t expect you to just accept me like that but I do want you to think about it before you decide our relationship is done because I think that you will regret it.”
I don’t know if I will regret it, that is the unfortunate part of it. I couldn’t be certain about what I feel but I do know that I don’t know quite what to make of him. Lark is what I would consider a mystery, doing everything against my wishes and just doing what he wants. It annoys me a lot of the time because I don’t know precisely how he feels about me or if he is even telling me the truth.
I don’t know why he would honestly be interested in me because I’m nothing special. He could do a lot more with his life and I don’t see why he would even look at me like that. I’m sure there is a beautiful woman out there who would enjoy him a lot more than I would, but I hate the idea of him being with someone else. If he did, I think that I would regret seeing him with someone else.
I don’t know if it is true, I just know how I feel. Maybe he can tell me if I’m being honest or not. I guess there’s only one way to find out then. I think that I first need to figure out what I want and go from there because I’m not even a hundred percent certain about it. I just know what I want and that means that I’m going to have to figure out where to deal with my feelings for him and if I want to take that risk.
I don’t know what I want but I do know that there’s only going to be so much that I’m able to do because I’m trying to figure it out a lot. I just hope that I don’t regret it.
