Page 93 of If You Want Me


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He sets his cast iron frying pan on the stove and pulls the scallops out of the fridge, along with the butter. I lean against the counter, happy to watch him work.

“Are you excited to be traveling with the team again?”

“Being with my teammates is good, but sitting on the bench, watching the action and not being able to participate, is a tough headspace to manage.”

He did that last year, too. I don’t know what was worse, watching from the couch with me or from rink side. “Do you think you’ll be cleared for the playoffs?”

“I hope so. I’m healing well and mobility is good. But my physical therapist is focused on what’s down the line, and playoffs are different than the regular season.”

I nod. “They’re way more intense.”

“They are, so I need to be in peak physical condition to be valuable to my team the way I’d like. It’s one day at a time for now.”

Hollis drops a generous pat of butter into the frying pan and rolls his sleeves halfway up his forearms while it melts. This is an image I’ll never forget so long as I live.

I groan. “Seriously, Hollis, how am I supposed to survive two hours when you’re pulling out the forearm porn?”

He arches a brow. “Forearm porn is a thing?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s totally a thing.” I’ve been obsessed with Hollis’s forearms for a long time. See the STUDY MATERIALS folder on my phone for evidence.

“Interesting.” He swirls the butter in the pan, adding two crushed cloves of garlic. “How are classes? You have final projects coming up and exams.”

“Most of my final projects are presentations, which is good.” Even though it was only one semester with Hemi full-time, I’m out of practice with written exams, and my concentration lately hasn’t been the best for memorizing facts. “I learned a lot about how to create dynamic ones, trying to get the Terror front office to do or approve things.”

He smiles. “That’s great. You know, whatever you set your mind to, you can have. The stars are yours. You just need to reach out and grab them.”

“What if I’ve already picked my star? The team is my family. This is where I want to be. Working with Hemi and Tally proved that. Tally and I get each other. We’ve spent our lives next to the ice.”

“It has its perks and pitfalls, doesn’t it?”

“Everything does. My life would’ve been so different if I’d lived with my mom.” I went to three different schools for junior kindergarten. My mom tried to settle down in one place when I started senior kindergarten, but she wasn’t happy being tied to a location, so it only lasted a handful of months. It was hard as a kid to understand, but having my mom be that unhappy and stressed while trying her absolute best to make it work for me wouldn’t have ended up going well. Our relationship would have been toxic, and she would have crumbled. Now, I have someone vibrant who loves me at her best, even if sometimes I long for what other people have.

“Not a lot of stability for you with the way she moves around.”

“No. I refused to decorate my room for the first year I lived with my dad. I think he believed it was because I didn’t want to be with him. But I didn’t want to get too comfortable in case it didn’t work.”

“You weren’t used to being in one place.” Hollis flips the scallops.

I’m glad he has something else to focus on. “I wasn’t. But after the first year, I settled in and it was better, for me at least. My mom is an infinitely healthier person now. My dad put me ahead of everything and everyone.” It still took two years before I stopped keeping a packed bag in my closet.

Hollis’s gaze meets mine, and I catch a momentary flash of guilt. “You’ve always been his first priority.”

“He’s put his own needs aside because of what I went through as a kid.”

“Do you mean relationship wise?” he asks.

“Yeah. But also everything too. My parents are opposites. My dad has had two girlfriends my entire life, at least that I’ve met. One was when he was playing for Calgary. But then he was traded. That was hard on both of us. He tried to date another woman about a year after we moved to Toronto, but it didn’t work out. He’s not even forty yet. I’ve been his whole world other than hockey. It’d be great if he would date.”

“He’s said the same thing about you,” Hollis says.

I roll my eyes. “The last time I tried to go on a date, someone crashed it.”

He looks guilty, but not that guilty.

“I only went because you told me I should, and I thought this would never happen.” I motion between us.

His expression softens. “It wasn’t because I didn’t want this, Aurora.” He tucks a single finger under my chin and brushes his lips gently over mine. “I do, but it’s complicated.”

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