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“Hollis, are you okay?” Scarlet puts her hand on my knee.
“Just, uh…up in my head a lot lately.” I shift positions and cross one leg over the other to sever the contact.
Her smile turns empathetic. “I’m sure it must be hard, coming off an injury and then being out of the game again. But you’re back and better than ever, right? Who knows what could happen at the end of next year. Maybe you’ll wind up back in California. Or Vegas even.”
That’s unlikely. “I’m hoping Toronto will renew for a couple more years.”
“Don’t you miss the sun and the year-round nice weather?” she asks.
“I have family close by, and I’d like to finish my career here.” I love my team, I’m comfortable, and the people I care about most are close.
“It’s kind of exciting, isn’t it? You’ll only be in your mid-thirties and starting your second career. Have you given any thought to what’s next for you?”
I shrug. “I’m more focused on the game than what’s after it. How about you? Your star keeps rising.”
“The last seven years have been a whirlwind,” she admits.
“It must be a challenge having your life on display all the time.” But even as I say that, I’m not sure it is for her. Our differing views on this topic were a big part of the reason she broke it off. She welcomes the media attention. She constantly posted pictures of us when we were dating, putting our relationship on display in ways I wasn’t comfortable with.
She smiles and drops her gaze. “It can be difficult on relationships, as you know.”
“I know.” My stomach twists. Our end was public and painful. Our final fight caught on camera for the world to speculate over. It’s the reason I’m so intensely private now and also why I’ve avoided serious, public relationships.
She sets her wineglass on the table and runs her hands over her thighs as her eyes lift. “I’m sorry for the way things happened, Hollis. So sorry. I wish I’d handled it better.”
I’m about to tell her it’s fine, but then what the hell was the purpose of coming here? “I thought we were on the same page,” I say instead. “I thought we wanted the same things.” We’d talked about marriage and settling down. More than once.
Her fingers drift over her lips. “Everything was happening so fast. The Way We Weren’t was taking off, and you’d just been traded. I didn’t think I could handle that kind of distance, especially with you wanting so much secrecy around our relationship.”
“I just wanted some privacy,” I counter. “I didn’t want us under a microscope all the time.” I’d been positive we could handle the distance. Sure, it would’ve been hectic with our careers, but I’d been so fucking in love. So ready to love her for the rest of my life. And she’d ripped my heart out. At least I hadn’t actually proposed. But she’d learned my plan after the fact.
She rubs her bare ring finger. “I know that now. I was so young then. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I’d done things differently.”
“But you didn’t.” She interpreted my lack of interest in being media fodder as being unsupportive and ended us.
She moves closer and takes my hand. “I know I hurt you, Hollis, and I can’t take it back. But it’s the biggest regret of my life. I should have realized you were trying to protect our relationship by keeping it out of the media spotlight. I was scared of all that distance and what it would mean for us. I know one conversation won’t fix things, but I’m here for a few more months. Maybe we could spend some time getting to know each other again.”
It would be the right thing to do—date someone closer to my age. But the idea of having a relationship with the world watching, again… I still don’t want my life any more available for public consumption than it is. And the idea of putting my heart back on the line, especially with someone who’s already shredded it once, seems like a stupid thing to do. But beyond any of that, I don’t want the woman sitting in front of me.
Not to mention what it would do to Aurora. My being here feels like a huge betrayal to a woman who isn’t even mine. I’d never be able to fix what I’ve broken if I went down this path with Scarlet again. And judging by the weight in my stomach, it’s not something I could live with.
I lick my lips, my mouth dry and my chest tight. “We’re very different people now, Scarlet. What you did to me, how you left things—you’re right, one conversation won’t fix that. And I don’t know if spending more time with you will either. You’re fresh out of a relationship?—”
“Things weren’t good there for a while,” she interjects. “I was supposed to wait until we started filming here, but it just… We weren’t working.”
“You were still together for two years, according to the tabloids anyway, which is how long we were together. I wasn’t over the end of us after three months.” I push to a stand. “I appreciate the opportunity to talk, and I’m grateful for your honesty, but I don’t know if this is what I need.” But I do know. Unfortunately, the person I want, I can’t ever have.
CHAPTER 14
HAMMER
“How do I look? Should I change? I don’t know about this shirt.”
Aurora
What do you think of this shirt? I have a coffee date with a guy from uni.
I snap a selfie and send it to my mom. She’s back in the land of internet and sent me some photos of the mountains. They’re supposed to bring serenity whenever I look at them. She’s right though, they do calm me.
