Page 39 of If You Want Me


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I send a single message:

Hollis

I’m sorry.

Aurora reads it almost immediately but doesn’t reply for half an hour.

Princess

Why apologize when it was a mistake?

Hollis

I didn’t mean to upset you.

She replies as I’m sliding my feet into shoes.

Princess

Let’s forget it ever happened.

I don’t think that will be possible. But for her, I’ll try.

That evening, Roman won’t let me off the hook for dinner. We stop at Aurora’s favorite Thai restaurant. He also stops at the bakery and buys her an assortment of desserts. While he’s inside, I call my older sister Emilia just to say hi and catch up. Roman returns and I take the pastries from him, setting them in my lap so they don’t get jostled on the ride home.

My stomach is a twisted-up mess when Aurora walks through his door at six thirty. It sinks further when her gaze meets mine and her expression goes flat.

“I got all your favorites from Spicy Thai! And desserts! You can take the leftovers home with you.” Roman pulls her in for a hug, then holds her at arm’s length. “Are you okay? You look tired. Is it school-related?”

She smiles, but it seems forced. “I’m okay. I didn’t sleep the best. Probably too much caffeine.”

We take our seats at the dinner table and pass around the takeout containers. Aurora slides a pink-and-yellow, banana-patterned scrunchie off her wrist and pulls half her hair up on top of her head.

“That looks new,” Roman observes.

“Yeah, I can’t find my blue one. I hope I didn’t lose it. It’s my favorite.”

I choke on my sip of water and cough into the crook of my elbow.

“I can get you another one,” Roman offers.

“There are a few places I need to check first. It’s just the perfect scrunchie.”

She avoids eye contact with me and pushes her food around her plate, barely touching it.

“Aren’t you hungry? Did I get the wrong thing? I thought tamarind curry was your favorite,” Roman fusses. “Are you feeling under the weather? That might explain why you were crying last night. You always got teary when you were sick as a kid, and universities are hotbeds for seasonal illness.”

She cringes and glances at me. “The Way We Weren’t always gives me the feels.” She pokes at her mango salad. “And Tristan sent Rix another cake, and it was on the counter when I got home from class. I figured a slice wouldn’t hurt, but then I went back for seconds, and yeah… I’ll totally enjoy this as leftovers.” She eats a small bite of tamarind curry.

I look away, because watching that fork disappear between her lips makes me think about what happened last night. And despite knowing it’s wrong on so many levels, I selfishly want to do it again.

I wonder if this is what it was like for Tristan and Rix when they were hiding what was going on from Flip. Did it feel like the guilt would swallow him whole because he was lying to his best friend? As I sit across the table from her, with Roman spiraling over the tears I made her cry, I desperately want things to be different. And for a moment I consider blurting out the truth. But then what? I blow up years of friendship and create an irreparable rift? That’s not fair to Aurora either.

“So it doesn’t have anything to do with classes?” Roman asks. He cannot let this go.

“They’re a lot of work, but so far, they’re good,” she assures him. “I’m just preoccupied, and I have a group meeting tonight.”

“Is that boy who was interested in you last year in your group?” Roman presses.

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