Page 150 of If You Want Me


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I settle my hand into his and immediately feel more at ease. “Tell me something real and true,” I whisper.

“I’m so fucking in love with you, Aurora. Hopelessly, stupidly, irrationally in love with you.”

“And yet, you still walked away from me.”

“I let fear stand in my way,” he says softly. “But I won’t let that happen again, if you give me another chance.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“That I was an infatuation for you. That whatever your feelings were, they could change. That they would.”

“Because of what happened with Scarlet?” I ask.

He nods. “I thought I was protecting you and your relationship with Roman, but it was my heart I was trying to safeguard. I stood in my own way. You’re such a bright star, and I didn’t want to hold you back.”

“How would that happen?”

“The world is yours, Aurora. Whatever you want, you just have to reach out and take it. I’ve already hit my peak in my career, and you’re just starting.” His thumb sweeps across my knuckles, as if the contact grounds him. “I guess I convinced myself that you could, should do better than me, and eventually you would see that.”

“She really did a number on you, didn’t she?” I say.

His smile is sad. “Yeah. I come with scars, Aurora.”

“Welcome to life, Hollis. Everyone has baggage. My dad is a professional hockey player. I was the result of a teen pregnancy. I lived in eighteen different cities in the first five years of my life. My mom, who I love dearly and who loves me the best way she can, had to step back and let my dad take over because she couldn’t raise me. And then I grew up as the team princess.” Thank God for good therapists and my dad being constant. “I’m surrounded by alpha, elite athletes who make more than half a million a year at the very least, and I will never come close to that. Everyone puts me on a pedestal, and I just want to be me, for that to be enough. I can’t be perfect.”

“You’re more than enough, Aurora. I just worried I wasn’t.”

“Well, we’re two peas in a pod, then, because I worried you were going to go back to Scarlet because she’s a better fit for you than me.”

The hurt in my heart is echoed in Hollis’s eyes. He closes them for a moment, as if he’s siphoning the pain, absorbing it and making it his. When they open, sadness lingers, but determination prevails. “There is no one for me but you. I should have stood up for us from the beginning. I should have known from the moment we started that you were it for me. I know you don’t trust me right now, and words are empty unless they’re carried by action. But I keep looking at my future, and all I can see is you.” His thumb sweeps along my knuckles.

The life with him I’d been building in my heart and head feels terrifyingly possible again. “How do I trust that the way you feel about me will be enough?” That’s what this comes down to. This isn’t about my dad or his feelings, or how anyone else will perceive our relationship. It comes down to us, and whether we can stand up for each other when it matters most.

“Time, Aurora. I’m asking for time and the chance to show you I’m yours. Wholly. Unequivocally, eternally yours. I choose you, Aurora. I love you. You are worth every risk. Let me prove it.”

He’s so earnest. My soft, broken heart mends with his words. But I can’t say them back. Not yet. Not when everything feels so unsteady. I don’t want to set myself up for more heartbreak, but what was the point of enduring this pain if we don’t at least see if we can fix what’s broken?

I can’t make decisions out of fear. I have to choose to be the person—the adult—I want to be. My dad can not love my choices and still love me. I don’t need to try to be enough, because I already am. I have to believe I’m worth the risk, too. “I’ll let you try.”

CHAPTER 43

HOLLIS

Now that Aurora is willing to give me another chance, I find myself very motivated—and not just where she’s concerned. Although I’m realizing all parts of my life include her, or at least I want them to. And that means I have some shit to take care of. I meet with my agent to discuss options, including early retirement if my knee can’t handle another season on the ice. I tell him I need to start planning my life beyond the ice, because that day is coming eventually, and I want clear direction on where I’m going when it arrives.

He nods. “I’ll have a list of possible options for you within the week.”

“I want to stay in Toronto. I understand that narrows things down.” Roman is here, and Aurora has a solid friend group and is loved by the team. I don’t want her to have to choose between me and her support system.

He arches a brow. “This have to do with that interview you gave?”

I bounce my fist on the arm of my chair. “Yup.”

He nods slowly. “You know I’ve got an inbox full of requests now.”

“I’m not giving a follow-up interview.”

He grins. “If you change your mind on that, let me know.”

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