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“I can’t pretend to know how she feels, or if she sees us as a missed opportunity she wants to revisit only because we’re in the same city for a few months.”
She releases my hand and slides her fingers between her thighs, as though she’s trying not to fidget. “Are you over her?”
“Yes. But the way she handled things hurt. A lot.” So much that I’ve avoided talking about it for the past seven years. And the only people who know what happened are my family, and now Aurora. Even Roman only has the barest of details. “It’s framed how I’ve dealt with relationships, and I realize I haven’t put my heart on the line in a long time.” For fear of having it crushed. I almost proposed to the wrong person. It isn’t a mistake I’ll make again.
“Whatever feelings I had for her, they’re in the past,” I add. “I saw her only because I needed closure.” And maybe I hadn’t seen it at the time, but talking to Scarlet made me realize how invested I am in the woman sitting in front of me. “I want this with you, Aurora.” I can see a future unfolding with her. And it’s terrifying, in part because she’s so young. But I don’t want to make the same mistake twice by hiding her from the world. I can make these compromises with her. It won’t ever take her autonomy. It will be equal decision making, even if it’s hard to walk the lines Aurora wants me to walk.
“I want this with you, too.” There’s relief in her soft smile.
The things Zara said make so much sense. She’s right. I have life experience Aurora doesn’t, and I need to be careful to use it wisely and move us forward.
“Maybe I could feel Roman out before the gala, get a sense of where he is.” It gets harder every day to lie and keep her a secret—and then it would be easy to remove myself from the auction. Telling him would be something real. Something tangible to assure me she won’t change her mind about me yet.
“Before the gala?” Her voice is laced with panic.
What if she’s not ready for this the way I want her to be? What if she’s on the fence about us and forcing her to make a choice now moves us in the wrong direction? I stroke her cheek. “What are you most afraid of, Princess?”
“The ripple effect for him, and the team, and me, and you, and—” Her bottom lip trembles, and she exhales a steadying breath. “Maybe it should be me instead. I can say something to him. Not tell him, but just…see?”
“I don’t want to push you into this.” But, God, I want her. I’ve never wanted anything so much. Her discomfort is a sharp bite, a warning to be careful with her.
“I know.”
I pull her into my arms, and she comes willingly. I don’t know what the answer is anymore. I don’t want to keep hiding this, but I don’t want to cause her more hurt, either. And I hate making her cry. But more than that, I don’t want to move too quickly and end this before we’ve had a chance to begin. I couldn’t give Scarlet what she needed; I don’t want to repeat history with Aurora.
“This has just been so nice, and I don’t want to ruin it,” she whispers.
“I understand.” I tip her chin up and kiss her.
I want to believe this is one of those instances where I have to be careful not to make decisions for her. But it’s impossible not to worry about the next few weeks, and how hard it will be to keep this bubble from bursting.
CHAPTER 35
HAMMER
“How you doing, kiddo?” Dad asks as I usher him into my apartment. “Looks like maybe you’re a little busy.”
My laptop sits open on the couch, surrounded by snacks, papers, Post-it Notes, and my list for the gala. Which is in three days. I still haven’t managed to muster up the lady balls to broach the subject of me and Hollis. There isn’t an easy way to slide it into conversation. Hey, Dado, how would you feel if I started dating your best friend? doesn’t seem like the smoothest option. Neither does saying, What if I dated a hockey player? You know him. He’s a really good guy, don’t worry. “Just double-checking all the last-minute details. What’s up?”
He produces a gift bag from behind his back. “I got you something.”
“For what? You didn’t need to do that. I just had my birthday.”
“For the gala. Hemi can’t stop talking about how you’ve stepped up and taken the lead. I’m so proud of you. You haven’t even graduated yet, and you’re already doing all these amazing things. I wanted to get you something to celebrate all you’ve accomplished.”
“You didn’t need to.” Here he is, buying me presents and being an awesome dad, and I’m sneaking around with Hollis. The bucket of shame gets heavier with every passing day.
He takes me by the shoulders, expression earnest. “You’re my one and only, Peggy. I want to celebrate you every chance I get. I know this world isn’t an easy one to grow up in, and it hasn’t always been sunshine and roses, but you’ve turned into an incredible young woman. It’s such an honor to be your dad.”
I wave my hands in front of my face. “You’re making me cry.”
He pulls me against him and squeezes tightly.
I want to appreciate his love and support, but I’m deceiving him every day. I have to fix this. Maintaining boundaries with Hollis when we’re with the people we care most about is becoming a challenge. I’ve found myself almost reaching for him more than once in front of my dad.
Hollis is right; we can’t keep this secret forever.
“Go on.” Dad holds out the bag. “Open it.”
