Page 118 of If You Want Me


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“How long has this been going on?”

My eyes dart around the kitchen. “How long has?—”

She gives me a look.

I bite my lips together.

“How long, honey?” Her voice wavers with anxiety and something else.

“Since January-ish.”

She nods once and exhales what seems to be a relieved breath. “Nothing happened between you before that?”

I shake my head. “I mean, I’ve had a crush for a while. But it wasn’t until this season that he saw me as more.”

“Is this a fling?”

“No.”

She regards me for a few long seconds before she asks, “Does that mean you’re serious about each other? That he’s looking for exclusivity?”

“Yeah. We’re serious.” The exclusivity goes without saying. He couldn’t even handle me going for coffee with someone else.

“And Roman is unaware this is going on. You know his rule about dating players.” It’s a statement, not a question.

“We’re going to tell him. I just want to be done with exams and the gala first. You know how Dad can be.”

“You’re his baby.”

“In three weeks, I’ll be a university graduate. I’m his baby, but I’m not a baby.”

“I know this world you’ve grown up in has matured you faster than most. But you still have a lot of learning and growing to do.” She holds out a hand, and I settle mine in hers. “I trust you to make informed decisions about who you want to be with. Your dad is a fantastic example of a good man. He can be overprotective, and sometimes oblivious when it comes to how he sees you versus who you truly are. But you hiding this concerns me. Why the secrecy?”

I glance over my shoulder to make sure we’re alone. “He wants to tell Dad, but I asked him to wait. Dad will be upset. He won’t be okay with this. Not at first, but hopefully with time. I just need for this not to affect my exams or the end of his season.” My dad’s already given up so much for me, and now this. What if it’s too much? What if this is the thing that makes him realize that all his sacrifices were pointless?

“You’re not even giving Roman a chance to manage his feelings on this.”

“It’s not just his feelings, though, Mom. It’s mine too. I don’t think I can handle him being mad at me. Worse, what if he gives me the ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed’? Thinking about it is just…” I shake my head. “It makes me feel sick. We never ever fight. This is his second to last season ever, and I have to finish the year strong. Plus what if he can’t forgive me for this? What if he hates me for it? What if it changes our relationship and I can’t fix it?”

“Honey, your dad would never, and could never, hate you. And yes, it could very well change your relationship with him. But you’re allowing your fears of what if to dictate your actions. Maybe it would be better to talk to him now.”

Panic takes hold. “You won’t tell him, will you?”

She gives me a sad smile. “It’s not my place. That’s for you and Hollis. But it can’t feel good to be in the same room and maintain distance. To hide all those feelings you have for him, and him for you. To lie.” She cups my cheek in her hand. “Honey, that’s so hard on your heart and your soul.”

“Hollis has had such a difficult year. He’s just been cleared to get back on the ice. I don’t want to mess with the team dynamic.” It could ruin everything.

“Love is always complicated, Aurora. But if he has your best interests and your heart in mind, he needs to put you first instead of keeping you a secret. I love you so much, my sweet girl. I just want the best for you.”

CHAPTER 33

HOLLIS

The benefit of Aurora staying at Roman’s while Zara visits means all she has to do is cross the hall once everyone is in bed. The downside is the potential for getting caught sneaking back in again—Zara’s already done it once—and the growing awareness that I’m deceiving Roman. It hasn’t stopped me from seeing Aurora, though. Or getting inside her. I’m an addict, always looking for a fix, worried the next time will be the last. The last time to touch her, kiss her, hold her.

I’m on my way home from the grocery store, having run out of Postie and Malone’s favorite cat food. I also picked up a few treats for Aurora and a bottle of her favorite wine. We have plans for later tonight, when everyone else is in bed.

My phone buzzes, and I fish it out of my pocket, checking the new message from Aurora.

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