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Chapter Eleven
Julian
The world spun underneath my feet as my breathing calmed. I dropped my forehead onto her shoulder and continued sucking air back into my deflated lungs. As she melted against me with a soft sigh, I couldn’t help burying my face in her thick, dark hair and breathing in as deeply as I could.
Coconut.
I filled my head with her scent…a mix of the shampoo I loved and raw sexuality. It was a combination that offered up a deadly cocktail that sent all thought and reasoning south. As many times as I’d had her, it continually surprised me that my need never diminished. She lit a fire inside of me that could only be contained by the feel of her.
She’d scared the hell out of me. From walking into that hospital room to walking into our home, I’d felt her frustration and knew she felt mine. I thought maybe being away on the publicity tours would get my mind off what was happening, especially knowing Zane’s people were watching. It just made me crazier. I worried about her. I worried about our baby. I worried nothing I did would be enough for them.
It scared me to the point of taking out my frustrations on her, again. But hearing her scream at me, like she’d reached the point of no return, broke me.
“Nothing, Julian. I don’t want anything from you anymore.”
I was losing her, and the tighter I held, the more she slipped away. I stood in the middle of our kitchen, holding the woman I loved, and wondered what kind of self-sabotage I’d done to my life.
Daniel Dalton was winning
Suddenly, the earlier anger toward Phoebe turned inward, and I began to hurt.
Picking my head off her shoulder, I pulled her with me as I sank to the tile. Phoebe naturally molded into my lap as I leaned against the cabinets. Her steady breaths rose and fell against me, and I stroked her hair, my lips pressed against her temple.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
“For what?” Her voice seemed so small, I half expected her to splinter and disappear.
“For everything. For making you doubt me.”
A worried line between her eyes deepened. “Is that really what you think?”
“It’s what you said.”
“No, Julian, it isn’t.” She placed a hand on my chest and turned to face me. “You’ve been pushing me away, and, yes, I’ve been upset, frustrated, whatever you want to label it. But I’ve never doubted you.” Her expression saddened. “Maybe what the future holds, but never you.”
“The look in your eyes before…it was like you’d already given up.” The lump in my throat grew as I waited for a response—afraid of what she’d say and of what she wouldn’t.
Sighing, she palmed my cheek. “I’m a fighter, Julian. I’ve had to be one all my life, and I don’t give up what I want easily. We’re going to fight, it’s life. A fight doesn’t mean I don’t love you, and it sure as hell doesn’t mean that I’m giving up on you.”
“You said you doubted what the future held.” Involuntarily, my hold on her hips tightened. “I can’t lose you, Phoebe, but I also can’t tell you everything right now. I know that sounds self-destructive, and maybe it is. I just hope you trust me enough to stand beside me on this.”
She straddled my waist and shoved her face against mine, forcing me to see the raw emotion in her eyes. “I love you, Julian Bale. Did you hear me? I. Love. You. I’m not a fan. I’m in love with the real man right here…in your arms and in your life.”
“Phoebe—” She held a finger to my lips, then trailed it down my chest.
“I said I love you. I’m always behind you…except…well…”
I raised an eyebrow, and her low chuckle sizzled my already depleted nerves. Leaning closer, she brushed her lips against mine as they feathered the words across my mouth.
“Except for when you are behind me.”
A strange redness burned my skin. “Yeah, I guess that was kind of the opposite of romantic, huh?”
She couldn’t hide her amusement. “I don’t believe it. Julian James Bale, are you…is that…are you blushing?”
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
She pulled her long hair to one side and sat up a little straighter. “You have no idea how much.”
