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I felt her beautiful mind churn. “How long does this take? How long will it last? What does it feel like for you?”
This last question embarrassed her for some reason that I didn’t investigate. I’d given her my word, but more than that, I knew the truth—the more enmeshed in her I became, the more this would damage me when it was through.
“It takes as long as it takes,” I answered her—but I wanted it to last forever. “It lasts until I sever it.” Which I would never do—she would take a piece of me with her when she left the water. “And as for what it feels like for me,” I began, feeling emotions build inside me, an evenly matched war of hope and fear, “I would rather not say.”
“Oh,” she thought delicately. “Am I . . . hurting you?”
Her question was thoughtful, but only that—she didn’t care.
Not like I did.
But it was better that way—because even if she felt the same, what would it change?
At least this way I was the only one aching.
I gave myself one more sweet moment to feel her heat and taste her skin and listen to her pulse, like I knew I would never get to again—and it allowed me to tell her a technical truth.
“Not currently,” I said, then quickly unwound my tentacles from her before I could make myself a liar.
chapter 12
ELLE
Once I felt at one with my body, I wasn’t scared anymore.
It was like I’d was waking up from a good dream, when it was still clinging around the edges, before reality caught up—and I remembered the last time I’d been with Lena, before the hospitals, when we’d been sitting on my couch together, throwing marshmallows at each other instead of putting them in our cocoa.
“Elle of the Air?” Cepharius asked. “Who is she? She looks like you.”
I blinked and shook my head, as the peaceful bubble of clarity I’d brought back with me popped.
Was that was this was going to be like?
Having someone endlessly look through my life like a photo album?
“It is because you have joined my ’qa,” he said, answering my unspoken question. “This is how my people speak. And I apologize for intruding on your thoughts...it’s just that you are very...loud.”
“Just—don’t—please?” I asked him, shaking my head. A piece of my hair had fallen in front of my eyes, and I couldn’t brush it back because I was still tied to the chair. “Marcus!” I called out. “Can you get me out of here?” And then, to Cepharius alone. “Just don’t go too deep, okay? There’s a lot of stuff down there I don’t want to share with you. I’m here because I want to be, but that doesn’t mean you need to go exploring.”
I felt Cepharius’s presence lighten in my mind. “I understand.”
“You’re both finished?” Marcus asked, coming up, looking from me to the blurry figure still looming behind the water-wall. Cepharius was even taller than Marcus was, and much broader across the shoulders.
“Yeah.”
Marcus started unlatching the buckles that’d kept me in place—and in hindsight, I was glad they’d been there. “So what are the rules?” I thought out to Cepharius, and saw him tilt his head. I couldn’t make out his face though.
“Now that we are bonded, you will be able to call for me, at any time, and I will hear you, so long as I am near. I will also be able to sense your mood and emotions—these are shared on the ’qa whether you like it or not. But while I have the potential to read your mind, yes, and see all of your memories, I swear to you, Elle of the Air, I will not do so without your permission, inasmuch as I am able.”
“Thank you.” I let go of another breath. “And what will I sense from you?”
“Only what I want you to.”
I frowned at that, as Marcus moved down to unbuckle my ankles.
“Do not be upset,” Cepharius continued. “You already experienced what it was like to overlap me. You did not like it much.”
“It still seems unfair,” I thought out at him. “I’ll essentially be naked, and you’ll be wearing clothing.”
