Page 123 of Finding You


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“Transplant recipients. We’re members of a club that no one wants to join. We know what it’s like to be told we have a grave illness. We’re faced with having to wait for a matching organ from a stranger to come available, and if we get that coveted call, we have to accept being reborn by receiving a kidney from someone who died. How can we celebrate a new life when someone had to die for it to become a reality?”

His eyes started to sting.

“And we know what it’s like when our only other alternative, aside from a life chained to a dialysis machine, is to allow someone we love to risk major surgery and give up an organ so we can have a chance to be healthy.” Her eyes studied his. “Did you want Shauna to donate for you?”

He scoffed. “Not at all. We argued about it for a long time.”

“I bet she wanted to donate from the beginning, but you told her no. And that’s why you were on dialysis for a year.” She lifted an eyebrow.

“How’d you know that?”

“Because I know you, Carter.” She took a step toward him. “I know your heart. You would never want anyone to sacrifice themselves for you, even though you’d do anything for someone you love.”

He swallowed, unable to deny her observation.

“I also know exactly how you felt. I didn’t want Jace to donate for me either. We argued about it for weeks, but he said he wanted to get me well and then marry me.”

Carter looked down at the toes of his work boots. “I’m sorry I was his recipient.”

“Don’t be.” She set her purse on the table beside her. “I’m not sorry.”

His head jerked up. Had he heard her right?

“Your kidney disease—is it hereditary?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, and her brow creased. “It’s all a mystery. I had swelling in my legs. I went to an urgent care clinic, and a test showed protein in my urine.” He ran his palm over the cabinet behind him. “Next thing I knew, I was in a nephrologist’s office talking about dialysis. Shauna and I don’t know of anyone in our family who suffered with kidney disease, so my doctor’s best guess was that it was environmental. I could have come in contact with a chemical that did it. Maybe something in the shop. We really don’t know what caused it.”

He recalled their conversation in his truck Friday night. “And Robyn told you that her grandfather had kidney disease, right?”

She nodded.

His heart clenched for her. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

They stared at each other for a moment, and he fought the urge to pull her into his arms right then and there and kiss her. He yearned to touch her, feel the warmth of her soft skin, and inhale the delicious aroma of her floral shampoo.

But she had made it clear Saturday that she couldn’t see him anymore.

So why was she standing in front of him with her expression warm and open?

“Why are you here, Darcy?” His voice was soft, and he feared her answer.

“I’m here because Robyn helped me realize something. When I received this kidney, I was given a second chance at life—but I’ve been walking around acting like I’m already dead.”

He swallowed as his throat thickened.

“I’ve blamed myself for Jace’s death for so long that I’ve been stuck. I’ve been punishing myself for what happened to him, but Robyn gave me permission to forgive myself. Now I see that she’s right.” Her green eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

Carter ran his hand over the stubble on his throat, unsure of what to say.

“I’ve finally forgiven myself. Now I need to start living again, and I need to love again. And I want to love you.”

“You mean that?” His voice was gruff.

“Yes.” She sniffed and cleared her throat. “I’m so sorry I pushed you away, and I’m sorry I said I couldn’t be with you. When you told me you received Jace’s kidney, I took that as a sign that I wasn’t supposed to be with you.” She moved closer to him, and the aroma of her perfume filled his senses. “But the fact that Jace was your donor may be a sign that we are meant to be together.”

She placed her hand flat on his chest, and tears streamed down her pink cheeks. “We both have been given this gift of life, and we need to embrace it, celebrate it, and enjoy it—together.”

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