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Everything bad is a world away.
The darkness itself cowers.
Once again, she’s sun on my skin, and I’m burning.
“She doesn’t even know she’s lonely,” Chip says before I’m too far gone in the trance.
His words break the spell, and I turn to him. “Lonely?”
“Almost as lonely as you, if I had to guess. Except I don’t think you’re in denial like she is.”
At least I’m not as lonely these days, now that my home feels a little less like a minefield. Having someone with me all night for weeks on end changes things. Being near someone, touching someone, holding someone, creates a healthier brain. Before her, my mind itself was starved. “What makes you think she’s lonely?”
Chip nudges my shoulder, half-smiling at me. “Every reason you think she isn’t. She’s surrounded by people who look up to her. She’s important by consequence, not choice. Her best friends fell in love with each other, leaving her to be the perpetual third. Without her parents around, she’s nobodies’ first. People may be willing to die for her, but that doesn’t mean they know her favorite color or that she always gets vanilla ice cream or what her favorite animal is or that she names all her knives. It’s a different sort of loneliness when you’re the only one like you in a crowded room.”
Kill me. My eyes close as my chests constricts.
Clapping his hands against his thighs, Chip stands. “Welp. I’m sure everything’ll work itself out, though. Do you know why?”
With Briar’s tear-streaked face blazing in the back of my mind, I murmur, “Why?”
He swipes his jar of fireflies off the ground. “For better or worse, every event in your life so far has.” Tossing the jar to me, he smiles. “And if this is the moment where you’ve ended up? I think it’s safe to say they’ve mostly worked out for the better. Wouldn’t you?”
My fingers tense around his jar, but he doesn’t wait for me to answer before he jogs back out into the field.
Flashes of pain, suffering, and agony compose my childhood. The years linger like wraiths in the back of my mind, haunting the space between my skin and my muscles. Horrors fill my bloodstream. A history of violence consumes more of my waking moments than the monsters in my nightmares.
So many times I’ve wished I were never born.
But every single one of those events…led here.
My body constricts, and I bite my cheek until the all-too-familiar taste of blood floods into my mouth. Uttering a curse, I force down an iron-tinged swallow, clutch both jars together and try to breathe.
Despite everything, I like it here.
Here is worth protecting.
Here is good.
Chapter 28
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fireflies and commitment issues.
Briar
Fireflies are romantic. And charming. And pure. There isn’t a single thing that should cause distress whilst catching fireflies.
Therefore: “Why is Rowan crying?” I stare dully at Chip, who just talked to him and who must be to blame.
He shoots me an innocent look and cocks his curly head like a puppy. “Perhaps he’s contemplating mortality?”
My arms fold. “I didn’t authorize any communication with my pet.”
Chip holds out his hand.
I arch a brow.
