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Gently, Rowan kisses one corner of my eye. “Shh.” He kisses the other. “I’m here.”
Everything hurts. I don’t know what to do with the pain other than let it consume me. “What if one day—” My voice cracks. “—you aren’t?”
“Where am I going to go without you?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
Lowering his head, he kisses my chest, right above my heart. “If that ever happens, I’ll still be here. Always.”
I want to tell him that’s not enough. I want to scream that idealistic, cheesy lines like that are meaningless. But my throat closes, and I can’t force out the words.
In this world, nothing lasts. It takes effort to wake up every day and choose the good things—joy, kindness, hope, peace—when I am in so much pain. Each day is a battle in a war that I’m losing.
It’s so hard to exist, and I am so tired.
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
“Hush.” Freeing my hands, he scoops me up, cradles me against his chest. His lips skim my forehead as he turns. “You’re okay, princess.”
“I’m not, though.” I can’t remember the last time I was.
He pushes into his room, walks me to the couch, and sits, leaning back to coddle me like an infant.
His hand runs up my thigh to my knee as he kisses my face, and the stampede in my chest doesn’t abate.
“Why are you upset?” I ask.
“I told you to hush.” He touches a kiss to my lips.
“You should know by now I don’t listen.”
He squeezes below my knee then skates his fingers back toward my hip. “Guess I have to train you better, make you obedient. Don’t worry.” His hard gaze pierces me. “My methods are less demanding than my parents’. Although no less…stimulating.”
Oh.
My.
Swear words.
“Rowan, that’s extr—”
“Shh.”
A nerve pinches, because he totally just stepped on it. I frown. “Don’t you dare shush me when I’m talking to you.”
“If I don’t like what you’re saying, I’m claiming your tongue.”
“As in cutting it off or—”
He kisses me, purely for clarification purposes, I’m sure.
It takes every cell in my body to remember what I wanted to say when he’s done. Half-breathless, I manage, “You’re acting weird.”
“I’m not.”
“I’m certain you are. The only other time you’ve been this demanding was after…after I got drunk. And said all those things.”
“I’m not upset. I’m not acting weird.”
