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“Listen. I will explain, but you must let me.” M pointed at the garbled words on the board. “What occurred to Emily, to us. . .it shattered our mind. And perhaps, if the physical and sexual abuse had not continued for so long, there would not be all of us.”
I hugged myself.
He continued, “We each represent one of the five F’s of trauma response.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
M gestured towards a section of the chalkboard. “Fight, flight, freeze, flop, and fawn.”
I shook my head. “I. . .I don’t think those are right. It’s just fight or flight or something.”
“Trust me. It’s these five.” M went over to the chalkboard and traced one of the odd words. “These five are hardwired responses to trauma. Fight, flight, freeze, flop, and fawn.”
I turned around to see what Lunita and the little girl thought of this, but they had left.
M kept on talking. “You see. When a normal human faces danger, these responses happen instinctively to keep us safe.”
I looked back at him. “How does this relate to us?”
“In our case, each of these responses has manifested into a separate personality within Emily.” He made a big show of drawing a circle in the air. “We were each formed to protect us, to cope with experiences and traumas we’ve encountered.”
“Hold on.” I tried to keep myself calm. “Okay, so. . .for example the response, fight. Instead of it being just a response for me. . .umm. . .for Emily. It became a personality instead?”
M nodded. “Precisely. Fight manifested into a personality that confronts challenges head-on, often aggressively.”
He picked up a piece of chalk and scribbled nonsense on top of already written words. “Flight became the personality that avoids confrontation and seeks escape.”
“O-kay.”
“Then, we have freeze. That personality tends to fall into a state of paralysis or inaction in the face of difficulties.” He stopped writing on the board and gazed over his shoulder. “Do you understand so far?”
“Uh. . .kind of.”
“Just keep walking down this road with me. I promise we will get to our destination.” He returned to writing on the chalkboard, his hand moving rapidly, leaving behind lines and symbols that were incomprehensible. It wasn’t any language I recognized—just a series of chaotic, meaningless scribbles.
“I think I will be scared to see what the destination is. . .”
“Self-discovery can be a scary journey. When it comes to trauma, remembering the truth can be agonizing, but if you don’t face it, you will never heal from it.” He went over to the other side of the chalkboard and wrote over more words. “Flop. . .well. . .that personality tends to have a sense of helplessness or submission.”
“And what about Fawn? I never heard of this type of trauma response.”
M turned back around and gave me a sad smile. “Fawn is interesting. When this personality faces danger, they seek to appease, please, and befriend the danger. Instead of fight or run.”
I blinked.
“Do you understand?”
“A little.”
“Good.” He rubbed his beard getting chalk dust on it. “Now let’s get to the hard stuff.”
“Alright.”
“As I said, each personality represents a response—fight, flight, freeze, flop, and fawn.”
I didn’t know why, but I started to tremble.
M tilted his head to the side. “Surely by now you know which personality is fight.”
