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“Fine. If I hadn’t been distracted with her—”
“I like that one even less. It sounds like you’re a child with a new toy. Try again.”
“Fixated?”
“Oh, God, no. That’s even worse.”
David sighed. “Consumed? Obsessed? Enthralled?”
“‘Enthralled’ isn’t bad. Go with that one.”
“Fine. So, if I hadn’t been so enthralled with Paige, would I have been paying more attention to Jacob’s distress and withdrawal? It seems likely that I would have.”
“She’s not the reason you didn’t see what was going on with Jacob. You didn’t see what was going on with Jacob because you believed Ashley would watch out for her son while he was with her, not because you were enthralled with Paige.”
“Mom—”
“I’m not finished. It’s a damn good thing you were enthralled with Paige and that she was back in your life. She’s the one who got this ball rolling, the reason you found out what was going on, and the reason you’re getting sole custody. It’s unlikely Jacob would’ve told you what was happening, because he’s a child, and was afraid of Liam. He probably would’ve kept lying to you and this could’ve gone on for who knows how long, because Liam’s manipulations were in play, Jacob’s fear was in play, Ashley’s indifference was in play, and your trust was in play. All of which were working against you. This would’ve gone on until Liam did something to leave actual bruises, or break a bone. Or, maybe worse.”
David sat back, not having really thought about the abuse continuing—or escalating. The thought of Jacob with bruises or a broken bone made David physically ill.
“So quit blaming yourself,” Valerie continued. “You’re allowed to go after the life you want—”
“Even if it makes me a terrible father?”
“Is that what you think?” She stared at him in shock. “That what happened to Jacob makes you a terrible father?”
David shrugged. “Doesn’t it?”
“No. No. It makes you a father who made a mistake—” she held up a hand when it looked like he was going to interrupt. “And your mistake has nothing to do with Paige and being enthralled with her. Your mistake was the blind spot you have when it comes to Ashley. All the lies she told you, messing with your phone and your emails, and that altercation with Paige at the restaurant … you kept trusting Ashley to be a good person, when she’s never given you any indication she would be.” Her voice had risen slightly, and she glanced down at Jacob, to see if he’d been disturbed. When it was clear he hadn’t been, Valerie finished with, “That’s the only thing you should be ‘blaming’ yourself for. Not the shit you can’t control.”
David sat in silence, going over everything she’d said, and when he was done, he found himself with a mental clarity he hadn’t felt in days. He was able to see the missteps he’d taken, starting with running away from Paige in Lauren’s parking lot, with even bigger ones following in the days after. And as he thought back to the lengths he’d gone to (including ghosting Paige on her day off), he felt like a colossal dick.
He was also able to see his claim at not blaming Paige in any way wasn’t necessarily true. He’d essentially made her the reason he didn’t see what was going on, when in reality she was just one player in the game—and had she not been a player in the game, what happened to Jacob still would’ve happened. There were many things that occurred to make the situation what it was, and David’s pursuit of Paige was not one of them.
Leaning over, he kissed Valerie’s temple. “Thanks, Mom.”
She could see he seemed a little less wrecked, but remained somewhat troubled. “I can tell there’s still something bothering you. What is it?”
He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
“Really? Because you’ve got that Oh, shit look on your face. Now, spill.”
Normally, curse words coming from his mom would be amusing, but not today. Possibly because he’d already spilled his guts once, he found himself doing it again, explaining how he’d been essentially avoiding Paige while pretending he wasn’t, because of the ugly thoughts in his head. Saying it out loud made him sound like even more of a colossal dick and it actually made him cringe. “I know. It sounds bad—”
“That’s because it is,” Valerie agreed matter-of-factly. “It’s dishonest and disrespectful and she didn’t deserve that. You’ve wronged her badly, David, even if she doesn’t know it. But she needs to know it. She needs to know what you’ve been doing, and why, and how it’s been affecting your relationship with her. Because it has.”
“I know.”
“So, when she gets pissed at you for what you’ve been doing, which she probably will, you have to let her be pissed until she isn’t anymore, however long that takes. And while Paige is being pissed at you, you’ll need to remind her every day she’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and you’re not letting go.”
Chapter 60
“Nothing from David yet?” Jules asked as Paige checked her phone again.
They were at Three Amigos, because Jules decided they needed to have a few drinks—or several—while waiting for news of David’s meeting with Ashley, and had dragged Paige to the bar.
“No. And I’m starting to get a little worried,” Paige responded, no longer having to yell in order to be heard over the live band, who had just finished a rocking cover of “Friends In Low Places”.
