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“I know. It was a mistake. But I didn’t know Darcy was there. I thought I could tell him yes just to get the guy out of my face. And then I would figure out how to work it all out.”
“And instead you made an even bigger mess of things.”
“You’re not wrong.”
I sighed as I caught sight of the amphitheater out in the park. The open field looked empty, but there were a handful of cars in the parking lot. Though evening was falling, the sky was still bright on this summer evening, and people were enjoying the extended daylight out in the park. I scanned the cars quickly and there, sitting a few spaces away from me, was Darcy’s car.
“Liz, I have to go. I’m trying to fix things.”
“Just be honest, Callum. Lying and trying to say what other people want to hear will only get you into trouble. If you want to go back out on tour, tell Darcy that. And if you want to stay, you know my door is always open.”
“Thanks, Liz.” Her words were exactly what I needed to hear. She was giving me permission to think about what I wanted, and I knew that whatever decision I made, my sister would support me.
“Call me later.”
I hung up the phone and looked down toward the outdoor stage. The parking lot sat on a hill and the amphitheater was below, allowing people to set up blankets on the hill to watch whatever performance was showing. I strained my eyes and thought I could see a figure sitting on the edge of the stage. Was it Darcy?
My heart beat fast as I thought about what I would say to her. But I couldn’t form exact words. I knew I needed to let the truth emerge when I was with her. It was time to trust myself, and to trust that I would say the right thing when the moment came.
27
DARCY
Isaw him when he was still a few hundred yards away. After thinking about him all afternoon, it was surprising to see him actually walking toward me as the fireflies began to pop out across the field. I could have left. It would have been easy to get up and leave, closing the door forever. But I stayed where I was. I couldn’t help thinking that Callum had just passed a test I didn’t know I was setting for him.
He had found me. And now we were back to the very beginning of our relationship, where everything had started and also ended.
“What are you doing here?”
The words were out of me as soon as he was in earshot. I knew it wasn’t the kindest thing to say, but something in me still wanted to push him away. It was like I was still giving him the chance to leave.
Callum didn’t respond right away. He just continued to walk toward me, alternating between looking at me and watching his feet as they walked through the grass and navigated uneven ground. When he was close to me, he gave me a slight smile.
“Hey,” he said. I was sitting with my legs over the edge of the stage, kicking my heels against the wood along the front. Callum took a seat next to me so we were both staring at the ground rather than looking at each other.
“How did you find me?”
“I didn’t at first. I checked the hardware store and your office. But then you texted ...”
I was already feeling uncomfortable about the text I had sent him. I had meant it as a final communication between us, a last goodbye of sorts. But now he was here, talking to me. I realized how cowardly I was being, running away from this important conversation.
“Sorry about that,” I mumbled. “I should have stayed to talk to you.”
“I get it,” he said, and I felt how he wanted to put me at ease. “I didn’t know you were standing there. I wouldn’t have said that.” I could tell how much he wanted me to listen to him. He spoke quickly, as if he didn’t know how much time I would give him to speak.
“I would have heard it eventually,” I said. “And honestly, I’m glad I know now.”
“But you don’t!” he said. “Because I don’t even know what I’m doing. I don’t want to leave.”
The words should have brought comfort, but I only felt sadness as I heard how non-committal they were. It only drove home the point that Callum wasn’t sure about us. He wasn’t ready to make a commitment.
“Do you remember our first date?” I blurted out. It was impossible not to think of this when we were sitting in the very place where the date had taken place. “I was so excited to go out with you. I spent that whole summer telling Liz how cute I thought you were.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” he laughed. “Though I don’t know if I had the courage to tell Liz about it. I think it took the whole summer to get up the courage to ask you out.”
I looked over at him, feeling anger rise up in my chest as I took in the words. It wasn’t right for him to rewrite history now. It wasn’t fair for him to pretend he had a crush on me or act like he had any interest in his little sister’s friend. I stood up and walked away from him, fighting against an impulse to lash out at him.
Instead, I wrapped my arms around myself and stared up the hill, imagining a fifteen-year-old version of myself nearly buzzing with excitement over going on a date with an older guy who was headed off to college. I remembered how hopeful I had been and all the plans I had made as I dreamed naively about a future with Callum.
