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“You want…” My words trail off. “You want me to kill you?”
“Taking my life is a fair punishment,” he says. “You made it clear you’d prefer never to see me again. This is what’s best for everyone. I won’t resist.”
My hands shake. “You really mean it?”
He nods solemnly.
Did I want to kill him? Sure, I thought I did. After all, he was willing to make a trade for my life. He didn’t deserve my sympathy. I’d killed others for less.
“What about the Dukes?” I ask.
“Seb is the boss now.” He shrugs. “They’ll be fine.”
“Okay, out of the car.” I point the gun at him. If this is a test, I want to see how far he’s willing to go. “Show me the spot.”
Freddie unlocks the doors, and we step out.
“Walk,” I command.
“You don’t need to point it at me,” he replies. He’s given up. “I’m going willingly.”
I press the gun into his back and jab him to show that I don’t give a shit about his opinion as he leads me into a grimy tunnel. Even in the daylight, it’s dark, and ominous orange lights flicker above us as we set off on Freddie’s death march.
“What should I tell the others?” I question.
He must have answers, considering he’s planned this out. I didn’t see him a lot while we stayed at the hotel, but I never pegged him as being suicidal.
“Tell them whatever you want,” he says. “I’m sure you can come up with something convincing. Maybe the Killers Club tracked us down, and a few of Alaric’s agents killed me? You choose.”
We emerge from the tunnel and reach a clearing by the water’s edge. My nose wrinkles at the terrible smell, and I try not to inhale deeply. Objects float on the brown, murky river surface: various kitchen appliances, rope, food packets, and too many bottles to count. This is a rubbish heap, not a tranquil resting place. This is the spot where Freddie’s chosen to die.
“Before you kill me…” He turns to face me. His eyes glitter. The eyes of the man I used to fantasise about. A man I once believed was the potential love of my life. A man who I imagined having a future with during my time with the club. “I have something to say.”
“Fine,” I say, keeping the gun pointed at his chest. “Talk.”
“I lied to you and betrayed your trust. For that, I’m sorry. I need you to know I wasn’t only lying to you but to myself. I spent years dreaming about you after we met. When I thought you were dead, I believed I lost something special.”
“Yeah, because getting to know the real me was such a disappointment,” I snap.
“No.” He shakes his head. “Finding out you were still alive was—and still is—the best thing to happen to me. You’re not the same person you were five years ago, but my feelings for you haven’t changed. It’s taken losing you to fully realise that.”
“How convenient,” I mutter sarcastically.
“I can’t turn back time, but I have to be honest with you now,” he says. “I love you, Ivy. You’re the only woman who has ever had my heart. You stole it the moment I laid eyes on you. Since we reunited, I’ve been fighting it, but not because I’m ashamed or don’t want you the way you are. I’ve been fighting against the truth. You showed me I wasn’t a good man, and I’ve struggled to accept that. Until now.”
His words take me by surprise. While he talks, my brain keeps returning to how he said he loved me and repeats it over and over.
“I understand it’s too late for us now,” he says in resignation. “Too much has happened. I’ve made mistakes. Mistakes I can’t undo. But before you kill me, you have to understand how sorry I am and that I’m willing to give my life because, without you, I have nothing left to live for.”
“On your knees,” I order, my voice shaking. “Face the river.”
I can’t look at him anymore. I can’t bear to see the pain in his eyes. He’s torn apart and broken. A shadow of his former self.
He smiles for the last time, turns, and lowers himself to his knees. He inclines his head when in position, baring the sensitive spot on the back of his neck. I half-expect him to jump up and proclaim this is a joke or try to wrestle the gun from me. Yet, he doesn’t.
“I’ll make it quick,” I promise, taking a few steps away.
Freddie stays motionless. Is this really how he wants it to end? Like this?
