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CHAPTER 18 Now
Robert: Would you like to have dinner Friday night?
My heart stops. A date. I haven’t had one since Connor and I first met. The reality terrifies me, even though I’ve thought about it. Of course, what did I expect? I’m on a dating app, talking to a man for hours every day. Meeting is the next logical step.
Robert and I have been messaging back and forth since I got home from the office, but I don’t respond right away this time. I need wine before I can decide how to reply. So I grab the open bottle of cab from the refrigerator door and pour myself a full glass. I’m still mulling things over fifteen minutes later when my phone buzzes.
Robert: You disappeared on me. Did I scare you away?
I smile sadly. He’s attentive even when I’m not saying anything. I decide the best course of action is to be truthful. I’ve been on a roll with honesty lately, ever since Dr. Alexander’s office last week.
Meredith: I’m sorry. I’m nervous. I haven’t been on a date yet.
Robert: I get it. The first one was the hardest for me too. I won’t push if you’re not ready.
My shoulders relax a bit. This is exactly what I like about Robert. We have so much in common. We’re both doctors. Both lost our spouses in our early thirties—though it’s been eight years since his wife passed, and the circumstances weren’t as ominous as mine. Breast cancer.
My phone pings again.
Robert: Would you like to hear about my first date?
I smile.
Meredith: Sure.
Robert: I met a woman through a dating app. I thought we really hit it off great. It took me three weeks to work up the courage to ask her out. I got to the restaurant early. By the time she was due to arrive, I was going to have to keep my sports jacket on. Pit stains from profuse sweating.
I chuckle and sip my wine, watching the dots jump around as he continues to type.
Robert: Anyway, she stood me up. My first date was a nondate.
Meredith: OMG. All that stress for nothing.
Robert: Actually, I think it turned out for the best. It was like having a dry run. (Well, not so dry under the arms.) And the next time I went to meet someone, I wasn’t so nervous. I’ll tell you what. Say yes to dinner. Get yourself all dressed nice. I’ll stand you up. Then you can forgive me and we’ll really go out. You’ll have your first-date jitters out of the way.
I smile from ear to ear. That happens often when I text with Robert.
Meredith: I don’t think it’ll work the same knowing I’m going to get stood up. But I appreciate the offer.
I sip my wine for a while, sucking on my bottom lip and staring down at my phone. This man is handsome. Very handsome, even. Intelligent. Funny. We have a lot in common. I want to move on. No, I need to move on. From Connor.
From Gabriel.
So I take a deep breath and bite the bullet.
Meredith: How about drinks instead of dinner?
He types back almost immediately.
Robert: Sold.
My heart races. Did I really just agree to a date? I believe I did.
Robert: I have to run. Evening rounds or I’ll never get home. I’ll text you tomorrow so we can pick a time and place. But you made my day. Looking forward to meeting you, Meredith.
I sit in shell shock for a while after that. I can’t believe I’m going out on a date, after all these years. I thought that part of my life was behind me.
Change in life plans is a common reason people wind up in my office. I think of what I’d tell a patient who was unexpectedly single and getting ready to hurl themselves back into the world of dating. I’d try to get them to acknowledge that their life has taken a new path and accept that we can’t rewind time and change things. Then I’d work with them on living in the present. That’s always the hardest part. Not dwelling on the loss. Not living in the past.
