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A dating app…
Like the one I was chatting on only last night. There I was, sipping a glass of wine and flirting with a random stranger, while Gabriel couldn’t sleep. I shouldn’t be allowed to smile until this man is truly happy again.
God, how can he ever be happy again after what he’s lost?
Poor little Rose.
And there goes my heart, racing again. It feels like I’m doing intermittent exercise today. Speed up. Slow down. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. But I need to keep my head screwed on straight to do my job. So I force myself back to our discussion.
“Are you active on one of those? Dating apps, I mean?”
He nods. “I am.”
“Meet anyone interesting?”
“I’m getting to know a few people. It’s my first time not meeting a woman the old-fashioned way. You know, in a bar after some liquid courage. I felt like a dinosaur when I first joined.”
I smile. “So much has changed in the dating world over the last decade.”
“How about you?” he asks. “Have you tried online dating since your divorce?”
I open my mouth to answer, to again talk about my personal life, which is completely inappropriate. Luckily my buzzer saves me this time. I can’t believe an hour has already gone by. I reach over and turn it off.
Gabriel meets my eyes and smiles. “Guess we pick up with our adventures in dinosaur dating next week? Maybe we can swap stories about the most bizarre people we’ve talked to?”
“Sure,” I say and rise from my chair. Though I’m pretty sure the most bizarre woman he’s currently talking to is standing right in front of him.
CHAPTER 16 Now
So, how’s being back to work?” Dr. Alexander settles in across from me.
It’s the first time I’ve seen him since I started seeing patients again. “It’s good. I was a little nervous the first day. But it was like riding a bike. If I’m being honest, it’s nice to talk about someone else’s problems for a while. I’m sort of sick of my own.”
He smiles. “I’m sure your patients are glad to have you back, too.”
I nod.
Dr. Alexander is quiet. He catches my eyes, then points his gaze down to my lap. Apparently, I’m wringing my hands and don’t even know it. I unclench and sigh.
“Is there something you’d like to talk about today?” he asks.
I hadn’t decided if I was going to tell him about Gabriel. But now that I’m sitting here, I realize I need the voice of reason. So I take a deep breath and blow it out with a nod.
“I took on some new patients.”
He nods. “You mentioned that some of your patients had left in your absence. And your assistant has been running some advertising to rebuild your practice, in anticipation of your return. Are you finding that more stressful than seeing your regulars?”
I look down for a long time. I’m so tempted to tell him that’s what is bothering me. That I’m nervous every new patient who walks through my door is going to want to talk about the loss of a loved one. It hasn’t happened with any of my regulars yet, but the thought has been in the back of my mind. What if I break down listening about the death of a spouse? It would be so easy to tell him that’s my concern. Dr. Alexander would never know the difference. But I want to get better. I want to move on.
“One of my new patients…” I trail off and bite down on my bottom lip. It’s not easy to say. I’m ashamed. I know that what I’m doing is wrong. Morally and professionally.
When I don’t pick up where my sentence left off after a solid minute, Dr. Alexander assumes my hesitation is for reasons other than what they are.
“We can talk about your patients and their problems here,” he says. “A lot of therapists go to therapy and discuss things that come up in sessions. It’s natural for things we hear to upset us at times in our line of work.”
I lift my eyes to meet his. My heart pounds, and it takes everything in me to say the words out loud. They come out in a rush. “One of my new patients… is Gabriel.”
Dr. Alexander’s brows pull tight. “Gabriel, as in the man you were following? The man whose…”
