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Normal, even.
But not to us. Not to the families destroyed.
Detective Green shook the man’s hand.
Dr. Bruner rested a hand on the man’s shoulder and bowed his head while he spoke.
The man’s eyes widened in horror.
He collapsed, falling to his knees.
Sobbing.
Shaking.
A loud wail echoed through the glass.
Shattering the man.
And shattering me.
CHAPTER 11 Then
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.”
I stared at the priest, hanging on to the words of Psalm 116, even though he’d moved on to swinging a chain with an ornate censer around the casket, blessing it with incense.
The Lord is gracious and righteous? The little girl was only five years old.
Full of compassion? For whom, exactly? For my husband? Who doesn’t deserve it?
I should’ve fought Connor’s mother harder to not have this big funeral service. It was disrespectful to the family he’d devastated. I wasn’t even sure why so many people showed up—teammates, coaches, friends, family—after the news broke last night with the final toxicology reports. My husband had been driving under the influence. I figured his friends would scatter like ants to footsteps, but no such luck. The church was full. Every last row, and some standing.
I just wanted to be alone.
To cry.
To scream.
To bounce back and forth between hating you for what you’d done and hating myself for not finding a way to stop you.
I knew you were in a bad place.
I knew.
This happened on my watch.
The mass finally ended. The graveside ceremony that followed was a blur. More crying. More useless words from a priest about how great God is. After it was over, the best I could do was put one foot in front of the other and walk to one of the waiting limousines. My brother, Jake, followed me.
He spoke to the driver standing outside the car as I climbed in. “Do me a favor? There’s enough room in the other two cars to fit everyone else. Stand in front of this door and tell people the car is full. My sister needs a break.” He extended his hand, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt there was a bill tucked into his palm. That was my brother—tip big and make it happen. He’d inherited the move from our father. Our father. Thinking of him made my heart heavy. It was the first time in my life I was glad both my parents were gone. They didn’t have to be publicly disgraced by what my husband had done. What I could’ve stopped.
Jake climbed inside the car and pulled the door closed behind him.
He unbuttoned his suit jacket as he took the seat across from me. “You looked like you were about done.”
I smiled sadly. “I was done before I left the house this morning.”
“I sat in that church today trying to think of something to say to you to make you feel better, but the only thing I could think of was that Aunt Francine looked really surprised to see me.”
