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“What do you mean?”
“Theo,” she says. “How do you really feel about him?”
“Oh, would you look at the time? It’s—” I’m bluffing to get her off my back, maybe even out of my apartment, until I notice the time on my phone reads a minute past eight. “Wow, it’s still early. Maybe we are getting old.”
“Not old. Maturing.” She smirks as she crosses her arms, raising a brow in a way that tells me she’s not going anywhere. “Answer the question. How do you feel about him?”
I let out a tired sigh, but it doesn’t hide the despair in my voice. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, Marcela. No.” Her eyes widen as she realizes something. “You’ve got it bad for him, don’t you?”
“I didn’t think I could feel this way for anyone else, you know? For years, it’s been all about Ben. And the first time it’s not about him, it has to be his brother.”
“This is a good thing, Marcela.” She grips my shoulders. “The whole point of this was to get over Ben!”
“But Theo—”
“Is still in love with Alice?”
And I surely don’t try to convince Alice she’s making the biggest mistake of her life by marrying you.
I don’t think she’s making a mistake because she should be with me. How I feel for her has nothing to do with that.
Feel. Present tense.
I shrug. The truth is, after everything we’ve been through, I still have no idea. He only told me that he was done with her for good, but nothing about whether his feelings have actually changed. If maybe, through some miracle, I made him change his mind about her, too. The same way he’s made me change my mind about Ben.
“I don’t know,” I finally say. “It was easier to be with him when the scales were even. They don’t feel even anymore.”
“Because you’re over Ben, and he may not be over Alice?”
“The closer Theo and I got, the more I started to get over Ben,” I say. “It wasn’t because his true colors started to show. Not really. That only happened when I stopped giving him the attention he was used to. He tried to kiss me once, I think, but all I could think about was Theo. How Theo was the only person I wanted to kiss.”
The way Angela’s looking at me, you’d think I sprouted a second head.
“What?”
“Nothing.” She recovers from her stunned expression, shaking her head. I’m still wondering what she’s not telling me when her face turns contemplative. “You don’t think Theo experienced the exact same thing when he was with you?”
“I don’t know,” I repeat. “He hasn’t said he has.”
“Have you told him?” she counters. “That you’re over Ben?”
“No.”
“The way I see it, you two are like mirrors.” She holds out her palms, has them face each other an inch apart. “You were drawn to each other because you understood each other in a way no one else could. Two wildcards in love with one half of an engaged couple. Hooking up should’ve been a terrible idea.” She slaps her hands for dramatic effect. “I thought it was a terrible idea. But maybe it wasn’t. You guys helped each other grow, held each other accountable, made each other better people. He’s the only one who knew how to do that for you, just like you’re the only one who knew how to do that for him.”
I turn over everything she said, a flush of warmth filling my chest.
“I was worried about what Ben’s engagement would do to you,” she says, expression sheepish, embarrassed maybe to admit this to me. “It’s not that I thought you’d go as far as Theo did before you stopped him, but I thought you’d try something similarly stupid. I thought you might capitalize on Ben’s jealousy, use it to your advantage, but you never did.”
“You really think we made each other better people?” I ask, doubtful. But maybe hopeful too, that she could see us that way.
“It would’ve been so easy for you guys to enable each other’s bad intentions. Instead, you expected him to be better. Not for you, but for himself. And I think that made you want to be better for yourself, too.” She holds out her palms again. “Mirrors.”
“Oh my god.” It finally clicks. “I think you’re actually right.”
“Of course I’m right. It’s a shame you don’t listen to me more often,” she says with a shrug. I scowl at her, but I can’t hold it for long. “I don’t think his remaining feelings for Alice, whatever they may be, is the issue here.”
