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“Okay, then how ’bout a fling?” Angela suggests instead, brows waggling suggestively. “Get to know the guy a little bit before jumping into his pants, and then never speak to him again.”
I scrunch up my face. “That sounds mean.”
“Or let him loose gently into the wind for the next girl to find,” she amends. “Happy?”
“Not particularly.” I let out a sigh, knowing I don’t have much of a choice if I’m serious about getting over Ben. “But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try.”
Angela finds the vodka stashed on top of my refrigerator as I swipe left and right with no real meaning. I take a shot when I get my first match, and then another when the guy never responds to my message. When the bottle is halfway gone, Angela takes my phone and sticks it with hers inside the lock case under my TV stand. The two of us have too many shared secrets not to secure our phones somewhere far, far away when the booze comes out.
By midnight, we’re both trashed and laughing for no reason. It’s the best I’ve felt all day, which I drunkenly gush to her.
“This is how I know it’s time to cut you off.” She snatches the bottle out of my hand. When I pout, she says, “Pobrecita. You’ll get over it.” I’m not sure if she’s talking about the vodka or Ben. Either way, I don’t believe her.
She crashes onto my bed right beside me, fast asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow. Her soft snores fill the bedroom, keeping me up. I lie awake next to her, my head swimming with thoughts of diamond rings and randomized Tinder profiles.
The next morning, after retrieving my phone from the lock case, my first text message of the day is from Ben.
She said yes!!!
I type out a quick reply, “Knew she would!” and roll over with a loud groan. Angela remains fast asleep, and I envy her. My head is pounding from last night, and my heart is pounding for reasons too early in the day to abuse myself with. But what’s done is done. Yet another outcome I can’t change.
Two
Please Join Us For an
Engagement Party
In Honor of
Ben Young and Alice Cho
Saturday, September 30th
At Seven O’clock in the Evening
I look down at the gold foil, the afternoon sunlight bouncing off the lettering as dread sinks low in my stomach. Reality settles over me for the second time, as if knowing I’d willfully overlook it the first. He’s getting married. It’s real now, as real as the embossing beneath my fingertips.
Surprisingly, Alice was the one who came over to hand-deliver the invitation. She’s wearing light-wash jeans and a cream mock-neck sweater that hugs her frame in all the right ways. I envied her that, when she first started dating Ben. Her straight black hair falls sleekly past her shoulders, her light brown eyes narrowed slightly, as if she can see right through me. There’s no malice in her expression, but it’s always unnerved me how keen her gaze is. How naturally inquisitive. I’ve never breathed a word of my feelings for her boyfriend—fiancé now—to anyone besides Angela, but I can never quite shake the feeling that she knows. Not that she’s ever breathed as much, either.
Maybe it’s just paranoia.
Her smile is warm despite the knowledge shining in her eyes. “It’s gonna be at the Gardens. Our families are all coming down for it, and then there’ll be brunch on Sunday at the Guenther House with close friends and family. You’re invited to brunch too, of course. It’s a wonder we’ve been able to get everything together so quickly at the last minute!”
“Right? It hasn’t even been a week.” I glance up at her from the invitation. “How’d you guys manage to get the venue so soon?”
“Turns out Ben’s been doing some planning of his own,” she says idly. “He had the place booked over a month ago! I’d be shocked at his presumption if I wasn’t floating on cloud nine.” She chuckles lightly at this and I join her, hoping she doesn’t see through the fake sound.
There was a time in college when we were close. She was the first friend I made at freshman orientation and we carried that over into sophomore year. Then she and Ben started dating. Before they became serious, we remained close, but I also felt betrayed on a level I could never convey to her. Ben and I had only been out on a few dates, and we remained close friends afterward. We hung out with our group of friends, night after night, and I never once let it slip that I was still holding out hope that we might try again one day.
I kept it cool at the time, but I also kept my distance from Alice from that point on. Ever since, there’s always been a discernible awkwardness that hangs over every conversation we have by ourselves. Even years later, when I should be over it. But I’m not even over her boyfriend—fiancé. I can already tell I’ll never get used to saying that. The betrayal she doesn’t even know she committed still stings, even as the guilt heats my skin and makes me break out in a sweat each time we interact.
“Well, let me know if you need any help setting up,” I offer, if only to seem like I’m not slowly dying on the inside. The least I can do is redeem myself by helping ensure the party goes off without a hitch. Not that she needs to know there’s an ulterior motive to my kindness. “You can count on me to make any part of the process less stressful.”
“Oh, that’s such a sweet offer.” She puts both hands over her heart, the engagement ring on her finger catching the light like a warning sign. “Actually, since you brought it up, do you think you could pick up Ben’s brother from the airport? He’s coming back from an away game in Atlanta.”
Right. I always forget about Ben’s NFL player brother. Why can’t I be like the rest of Alice’s friends and lust after him instead?
“His flight arrives Friday morning, and I’m having such a hard time getting the day off.”
