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I feel my breath catch as my pulse triples, at least, my lips parting to say something, but what, I’m not sure. The air is thick and the room is too warm, or maybe that’s just me, and I know I need to say something, say anything, really, and I—
Ian and I both startle when the door swings open behind him, Jack grumbling under his breath as he tries to balance his keys in the lock while holding a plastic bag with his bad hand, which is sticking out of his sling.
“Dude, we gotta get one of those keyless locks, this one-handed shit is for the—”
Jack frowns when he spots the two of us. “Every time I walk into this room lately, you’ve got a woman on my couch.”
Something in my stomach sinks. “Oh, really?”
“Not at all what that sounds like, trust me,” Ian says firmly, holding my gaze as he does so.
The charged air fizzles out around us, and despite the expression Ian is wearing, one that asks me to trust him when he doesn’t owe me an explanation in the slightest to begin with, I feel heavy all of a sudden. Nauseous, even.
“I was just going over some stuff Gia suggested,” I say flatly, standing from the couch.
“Lila,” Ian says, following me.
I paste on a very wide, very fake smile. “I’ll text you later about those outing plans, yeah? We can brainstorm ideas.”
“Lila,” he says again, looking irritated.
Why does he look irritated? It’s none of my business who he has on his couch.
“You don’t want to stay?” Jack says. “I got stuff to make nachos.”
“I already ate,” I toss back, moving toward the front door. “I have stuff to do at home, anyway.”
“Suit yourself,” Jack says with a shrug, blissfully ignorant to the energy of the room he burst into as he holds the door open wide to let me pass through it. “They’re not yo nachos, anyway.”
“That was awful,” I groan, pulling him into a loose hug while I avoid his arm.
I purposely avoid looking at Ian.
“See you guys later.”
I can feel Ian’s eyes on me as the door closes, and I don’t take a full breath until I hear the lock click into place. I’ve barely made it to the elevator when my phone buzzes in my pocket, and I have a good idea already as to who’s texting me.
CUPCAKE: It’s not what it sounds like.
I stare at the text the entire ride down the elevator, only managing to tap out a reply when I’m pacing through the lobby of Jack’s building.
ME: Don’t even sweat it. None of my business anyway. I’ll check in tomorrow about outing ideas. Good night!
It’s not at all how I feel, but it’s not like I can demand he tell me what other women he’s had over—who they are, what they are to him, why they were there. It’s wholly not my business and definitely not my place.
And that, if I really take the time to analyze it, is exactly why I feel so shitty right now.
Twelve
IAN
Even sitting off the ice and lacing up my skates, I’m second-guessing my idea to bring her here. And on top of that, I’m second-guessing the fact that I’m second-guessing my idea to bring her here. I have to remind myself that this isn’t actually a date—even if the amount of nervous sweat I’m producing under my hoodie says otherwise.
Delilah has been distant in the last few days; I’ve wanted to try to explain what she heard from Jack more than once since she walked out of the apartment, but not only would I not know where to start, I also worry that she meant what she said that night. That she’s not actually worried about it. That it’s just me obsessing over what she might be thinking.
Skates laced, I lean back on the bench and scan the indoor rink, noting the decent amount of people currently occupying the ice. Enough that there will certainly be pictures taken of us, but not so many that I’ll feel like we’re under a microscope. The nostalgia of being here again washes over me like a wave, bringing back memories of skinned knees and too many bruises on a much smaller me, my dad off to the sides barking at me to do it again, and right this time.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, jarring me from my memories, and a twisting feeling settles in my gut when I pull it out and see my mother’s name. We’ve talked here and there since I got back into town, but I’ve yet to go and see her. Something she hasn’t let me forget. Taking a deep breath, I answer her call and bring the phone to my ear.
