AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“A better question would be: Where is it?” I wink, and I notice a slight flush of color at his cheekbones. Wow. Okay. I like that reaction. It almost makes me believe that I might eventually get him to see me as Delilah—not Lila, the kid sister of his best friend. “But I’m keeping both a secret. For now.”
He still looks a little stunned by my boldness, and to me, it feels like a small victory. Sure, I’ll never get to play out all the fantasies I’ve entertained of Ian Chase over the years—ones made marginally worse after that bit of spoon-feeding not even half an hour ago—but at least I can give him back a fraction of the discomfort he’s caused me in my young life. It’s only fair, I think.
“Hey, guys!” Ava practically skips toward us, holding a clipboard and looking cheerful. “That was amazing. I was totally sure that Ian was going to burn himself at one point—”
Ian scoffs. “What is it with everyone thinking I am going to burn something?”
“—but, you guys did great,” Ava finishes, ignoring Ian’s grumbling. “Did you plan that moment with the spoon? Because it was totally hot.”
“What?” Ian looks taken aback. “It wasn’t hot.”
My lips purse. “Ava…”
“What?” She crosses her arms over her chest. “It was. I guarantee viewers are going to eat that shit up. I thought for sure you planned it.”
“Of course we didn’t,” Ian asserts, sounding almost irritated. “We’re friends. We don’t want to give people the wrong idea.”
There’s no reason for that statement to sting, considering it’s true, but there’s still an irritating sensation in my chest when he says it. Especially since he looks so uneasy right now—shifting his weight from one foot to the other, his lips twisted in a frown.
So much for him ever seeing me any differently.
“Right,” I answer tightly. “It was just spur of the moment. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Whatever.” Ava waves us both off. “It was still hot.”
Ian still looks positively uncomfortable, and even with the long stretch of years between the me today and the me who used to follow him around begging for crumbs of his attention—seeing the physical proof that he still thinks of me as the dumb kid who clung to his ankles…It’s not the best feeling in the world. Actually, it’s downright awful.
I turn to Ian, patting him on the arm. “You did great, Cupcake. I’m really glad we did this. And we should catch up again soon, yeah?”
His brows turn down. “You got somewhere to be?”
“Oh, you know…” I shrug noncommittally. “Just have some things to check on. But I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
He nods stiffly, still looking at me strangely. Probably because I am acting strange. Or maybe I’m acting normally, and it just feels strange to me. I turn away from Ian and Ava to leave them standing at the refreshments table, heading for nowhere in particular, just wanting to put space between Ian and me and let my brain breathe. I can’t believe that after all this time, Ian can still make my head a mess like this.
It stays messy for the rest of the day, even much later when I’m sitting safe in my apartment and staring at a text that came through from Ian while I was in the shower.
IAN: I had a lot of fun today. Let’s hang out again soon.
I’ve typed out a few innocuous replies that all sound stupid in my head, finally settling on a generic: I had fun too! Definitely!
I know that if Ian is back for good, I am going to have to get a handle on these old feelings rearing their ugly heads, that I’ll have to figure out a way to navigate them if there’s any chance of slipping back into a friendship with the guy whose name I used to doodle in my notebook margins with little hearts.
Maybe some distance is the best answer. It’s not like I have to hang out with Ian again anytime soon. Some time to get my head in order would probably be just the thing to figure my shit out and stop acting ridiculous.
Yes, I think. That’s definitely the right call. I’ll just make sure to only spend time with Ian when there’s a good amount of buffer. One-on-one is definitely off-limits.
I cling to that resolve through brushing my teeth and readying for bed, halfway managing to convince myself that it will work, that I’ll start to feel less crazy in his presence as time goes by.
As I crawl into bed, I actually feel mostly optimistic about the whole thing. I close my eyes for the first time since Ian blew back into town, not thinking about his voice or his eyes or his deep laugh that makes my stomach clench.
Well, mostly.
Six
IAN
“All right, men, remember this drill!” Coach Harris shouts from near the goal line. “We’re getting a tip-in early, right?” He points at Sanchez. “Good feet! Pull that puck around and let’s look for a fall.”
