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"Did someone say something to you? Do something to you?" he asks.
"No!" I roll over to face him, lifting my gaze to his. "Of course not, Mattia. It wasn't like that at all."
He cups my cheek in his rough hand, staring at me in the dark. "Then talk to me, little mouse. What were you so upset about?"
This is the part that terrifies me. I think he might hate me if I tell him the truth about what Brio really wants from me. At least, he'd never trust me again. I know I wouldn't.
I'll never go through with it. I never had any intention of going through with it. But I don't know if there's a world in which I could ever convince Mattia or Rafe or anyone else of that if they knew the ugly truth.
Some realities are too awful, and some betrayals are too great. Just speaking them into existence plants a seed that twists and pollutes everything. That's what Brio did. Now, I'm caught in a web of deceit that I don't know how to free myself from without losing everything that matters.
So I give Mattia as much of the truth as I can, and hate myself for not being able to give him all of it. I hate Brio more.
"I felt guilty," I whisper into the dark.
"Because of what Brio wants from you," he guesses.
"Yes." It's the first time I've acknowledged out loud that Brio wants something from me. Saying it should feel like a weight lifting from me, but it doesn't. Not really. It's still so damn heavy. "Everyone was so nice, but I was lying to all of them." I sigh sadly, a pitiful puff of sound. Every day, I lie to everyone. I lie to him. I lie to myself. I just want it to stop.
"Then tell me what he wants, cara mia. Tell me what he's holding over you."
"I…can't," I choke.
A growl rumbles in his throat before he gently flips me onto my back, crawling over me. He's a thick shadow in the dark, so much bigger than I am. "One of these days, little mouse, you're going to tell me all of your secrets. When you do, I'm going to fucking kill Brio Cascella, and then I'm going to spend the next fifteen years teaching you exactly how much I hate the fucking word no when it comes from your lips." His mouth touches mine in a hard kiss.
"I'm sorry," I whimper, wrapping my body around his and clinging to him. "I want to tell you everything, Mattia. But if I do, you'll never look at me the same way again. I know you won't."
"Then you know nothing, Aurelia." His lips skim my cheek, seeking my ear. "I know more than you think I do, topolina. And I intend to learn every goddamn one of your secrets. If you don't tell me, I'll find them myself."
"Mattia, please. I'm here with you, and I'm safe. Isn't that enough?"
"No." He bites my throat. "I want the truth. I'm not going to stop until I get it, Aurelia."
I sob in frustration, clawing down his back. Of course he isn't going to stop. He's Mattia, consiglieri to the most dangerous crime family in Chicago. My family. He'll push and pull and pluck at threads until he finds exactly what he wants. And then, he'll hate me.
Exactly like Brio wants. I'm not a partner in his machinations. I'm a pawn, something expendable. And my mother is the sword hanging over my head.
"Promise me," I plead with Mattia, digging my fingers into his back. "Promise me if I tell you what he's holding over me, you won't let him win."
"You know I won't, little mouse. I'm going to fucking bury him for threatening you. I just need to know how deep to dig the hole and how much to make his death hurt first."
I hesitate for a long moment…and then I take a leap.
"He has my mom," I gasp. "She g-got sick and we couldn't afford treatment. I was desperate so I went to Rafe for help, except Brio found me. He pretended to be one of Rafe's men. I told him everything, Mattia. About my mom. That she n-needed help. He told me that he was taking me to Rafe and that Rafe would help, but he didn't take me there. He k-kidnapped me."
"Cazzo," Mattia breathes, going rigid on top of me.
"He s-said if I helped him, he'd help her. But if I didn't, he'd kill her. If I told anyone the t-truth, he'd kill her, and then he'd k-kill me." I shiver, tears leaking from my eyes.
"Where's your mom now, topolina?"
"I don't know!" I cry. "He took her somewhere. I haven't seen her in two months. When I was with him, he let me call her. But that's it." A sob catches in my throat. "I don't want to do what he wants, Mattia. I never wanted to do it. But if I don't, he's going to kill my mom, and then he's going to kill me."
"What does he want?"
"I can't…" I sob again, unwilling to tell him this part. "Please."
"Tell me, Aurelia. You have to tell me, or I can't help you, cara mia."
