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“I don’t have many secrets. I’m kind of an open book if you couldn’t tell.”
“What are you saving money for?”
I can almost see the wheels turning in her head, contemplating this conversation.
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“No. No, it’s nothing to be secretive about and it’s nothing exciting. Just…promise me you won’t laugh.”
“Well, now I’m intrigued.”
Even through the darkness, with the stars illuminating her face a bit, I can see her looking away from me.
“I’m saving money to have my eggs frozen.”
Huh?
My brows are creased in confusion. “Why? You’re still so young.”
“I know I am, but my ovaries aren’t. Thanks to my genetic line, at twenty-seven, I’ve got some old-ass eggs. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom, and I don’t care how. Stepmom. Foster mom. Adoptive mom. But if I want to keep the very slim chance of being a biological mom, this is my only hope. It might be too late already, I don’t know, but I need to try.”
Okay, now I can’t help but touch her. Grazing my fingertips across her cheek, I push her hair behind her ear. “Why would I laugh at that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been told I sound desperate. Maybe I do, but I don’t care. It’s the one thing I’ve always wanted in life. It’s just unfolding a little differently than I pictured. I refuse to ask my parents for help. It’s my potential family and I want to do this for myself, but that means working more to make some extra cash.”
“Who called you desperate?”
“I don’t remember,” she answers far too quickly.
My little lying roommate. It was her ex. That’s clear as fucking day.
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way because I’m genuinely just being curious. But why did you wait so long? If you’re worried it’s already too late, I mean.”
She exhales. “Ryan, I’m pretty sure you already know the answer to all these questions. I didn’t do it sooner because the man who I thought was going to be the father of my children told me he wanted to start trying. Soon, I mean. It was always ‘soon.’ It wasn’t that I wanted to have kids right then. I was young. I’m still young, but I did need to make a decision or a plan, and his plan was to continually dangle ‘let’s try soon’ in front of me. It’s my fault for not taking action, so that’s on me.”
I let go of her hand and instead, tuck one arm under her body, pulling her into my chest. She hides in the crook of my neck, so I speak softly, my lips to her ear. “There’s nothing desperate about going after what you want most in life. So, fuck him for saying it because even if you don’t want to tell me, I know it was him.”
“It might end up being a waste of money.”
“Money comes and goes. This is your life. Be selfish for once, Ind. You spent six years catering to that guy’s timeline. It’s about time you do something for yourself.”
She buries herself deeper into my neck.
“And ironically, you want a child so you have someone else to take care of and therefore you’re not being selfish at all.”
Her body shakes against mine with quiet laughter. “God, what’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing. You’re a nurturer. It’s who you are.”
“I think you’re a nurturer too.”
An awkward laugh escapes me. “I don’t know about that.”
“Yeah, because you’re not caring and protective and sweet at all. You’re just a selfish basketball player who only thinks about himself and his career.”
Her voice carries a sarcastic tone, but she’s not far off. That’s who I am.
“And you’re probably mentally agreeing with me, but you’re wrong. One day, you’ll see it.”
