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He slowly pushes into me again as he grabs my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine and holding them above my head against the mattress. His face falls to my neck as he continues his slow pace.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” he commands.
I can’t see him because he’s hiding his face, but I know he’s on the verge of tears. I can hear it in his voice. But I am too.
“I won’t. I’m so sorry, Eli.”
He lifts his face from my nape to look at me, and just as I thought, his eyes are glossy as if whatever I say next will make or break him.
“I love you so much, Eli.” I cup his face, wiping a few fallen tears with my thumb.
“I love you too, Logan.” He leans down and kisses me, then my cheek, catching the moisture that’s fallen from my eyes.
He continues to move inside of me, bringing us closer to the edge, his rolling hips meeting mine with every thrust. Tonight feels like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. Sure, we’ve made love before, but this is different. This is desperate and wanting, the space between us filled with unspoken words and apologies.
“I can’t live without you, Logan. You don’t understand. I can’t do that again,” Eli says with desperation as he continues his movements.
I don’t know what to say in response because the truth of the matter is that Eli and I will be apart—in distance. He’s going to leave anytime now, and I just hope that what we have is strong enough to fill the gap.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I need you to know that. I love you more than anything, Eli. I love you more than myself.”
His eyes search mine for a moment. They’re filled with so much sadness and hurt, but also hope and love. There’s a lot of emotions filling this hotel room tonight.
“I love you more than myself, too,” he says. “And that means more coming from me because we both know how fucking arrogant I am.”
He looks down at me with a soft smile before reconnecting his lips to mine. It feels good to have that flash of us. The humor that’s been missing for far too long. It makes me believe we can get back to that one day.
I can feel my body beginning to tighten from Eli’s expert movements. My toes curl, and my back arches into him, telling him I’m close.
A few more thrusts, and I unravel in his hold. My head falls back, and my mouth gapes open, riding the high that I haven’t experienced in far too long. Eli joins me shortly after, allowing some breathy curse words to leave his lips in combination with my name before falling on top of me, both of us sweaty, panting messes.
“Fuck, that felt good.” His body heaves, still pushing mine into the mattress.
“So good,” I agree as I try to slow my breathing.
He rolls off me, pulling himself out before lying next to me on the bed.
“I know I’m broken right now,” I tell him. “I’m trying to get back to me, but I just want you to know that I love you, and I hope you never question that.”
“I know, Logan. But you’re not broken.” He turns his head to face me. “I know we still have things we need to figure out, but we’ll get there. We’ll be okay.”
And for the first time in a long time, I actually believe that.
He rolls over and kisses my tattoo before nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck, resting on me.
“We should probably get some clothes on before your brother and Ali walk in.”
Eli lets out a laugh. “I almost forgot about them.”
He sifts through our discarded clothes on the ground, giving me back my pajamas and keeping his shirt and sweatpants for himself. When he stands to put his pants back on, he leaves his shirt on the bed, and I take it without permission.
Eli’s brown eyes soften, watching me slip his shirt over my head, but I can’t help it. I’ve gone almost a month without wearing his clothes, and I missed the size and his scent.
He leans forward, shirtless, hands on either side of my hips as I sit on the edge of the bed. “I love you.” His grin is soft, placing his lips on mine.
“I love you, too.” And it’s the first time in a long time that some more light comes through my mind.
Eli climbs into bed before pulling me down next to him, my head laying on his chest and his arm wrapped around my shoulder.
