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He’s right. I know he’s right. I need to get my head on straight, but right now, my mind is somewhere else, in a completely different state.
As much as it makes me sick to push Logan out of my mind for the next few weeks, maybe that’s what I need to do. That’s what she asked me to do. The image of her face from our phone call today won’t stop replaying in my head, and I need to get it out of there. It just floods me with guilt.
Even though she asked me not to think about her, we all know that’s impossible. So instead, I’m going to adjust my thought process.
Both my dad and Zanders’ words are ringing in my mind as I remind myself that I’m doing this for Logan. For the life I want to give her. For the joy that my own brings to her. I’m doing this for her. All of this is for her. And if putting her out of my mind for just a bit will help me achieve this dream for her, then I will.
“And hey, Maddison?” Zanders calls out from down the hall. “You know that Dallas isn’t the only team in the league, right? Maybe if you get your head out of your ass and start playing like yourself, you might actually get to pick where you sign long-term.”
Chapter 50
Logan
“How are the rest of the boys taking the loss?”
“About as well as you’d expect, two days after losing in the Frozen Four,” Cam says before he buries his hand into the bag of tortilla chips sitting on the kitchen island.
“There’s always next year.”
He gives me a skeptical glance, his mouth completely full. “You know we aren’t gonna be shit without Maddison here next season.”
I would like to give my friend some hope, but he’s right. Eli is the reason that U of M went as far as they did. His talent is going to be blatantly absent next year for Cam’s senior season.
“That is unless Dallas releases him for playing like garbage last night, and the NCAA just happens to find another year of eligibility for him,” he adds with sarcasm, mumbling through a mouth full of chips.
“Oh god, let’s not even joke about that.” I drop my head into my open palm, my elbow resting on the kitchen island. “I feel terrible for how last night went for Eli.”
“Did he seem okay when you talked to him after the game?”
“We didn’t really talk. He sent a quick text before boarding his flight, but that was it.”
“Well, what about today?”
I shyly avert my eyes from Cam. “Just a quick good morning text.”
“What? The guy knows it’s your birthday today, right?”
“I’m sure I’ll hear from him before his game starts,” is all I can say in response, hoping that it’s true.
I did tell Eli to put me out of his mind for a bit, so maybe that’s what he’s doing right now.
Though, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little sad to be without him on my birthday. I don’t care much about this day. Last year I didn’t even tell Marc it was my birthday until the day after, for which he decided to spend an entire weekend in Spain making up for it. But this year, I have a whole family in my life and great friends. I have a real support system, though half of them are in Detroit for hockey. I’m grateful to have Ali and Cam here tonight, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a little sad to be without Eli and his family today.
And, if I’m perfectly honest, my birthday started in the worst possible way because I was in excruciating pain just after midnight. I rushed into the bathroom that connects to Eli’s room as the pregnancy I knew I lost became visible and confirmed.
I spent the rest of the night crying in Eli’s bed, needing him with me. Even though I knew I lost the baby a week ago, it didn’t hurt any less to be reminded of it.
“Logan Leo, get your ass on a seat and stop wobbling on those crutches,” Ali commands, her tiny body charging into the kitchen.
“Damn,” I say in surprise, slightly scared of my little New Yorker before quickly taking the stool next to Cam. “Okay, ma’am.”
Ali pulls a giant blender out from one of the kitchen cupboards, placing it on the counter next to all the ingredients she bought from the store. “We’ve got birthday margaritas tonight, boys and girls.”
“Ali, I can’t drink. I’m still on antibiotics.”
“We’ve got virgin birthday margaritas tonight, boys and girls.” She puts the tequila right back where it came from.
“Alison, I can still drink,” Cam reminds her.
