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“I know. It just freaked me out, that’s all. But I’m moving past it,” Logan says, being the sweet and understanding person that she is.
I kiss her shoulder before lifting my gaze to look out towards the lake in front of us. “What freaked you out the most,” I ask, trying to figure out which fears of hers I caused that I need to ease.
“That you’re going to leave me.” Her voice comes out sheepish as she drops her face, looking down at her coffee mug, continuing to warm her cold hands with it.
Fuck. I’ve spent the last few weeks fighting to show Logan that we belong together. That I’m hers. That I’m not going anywhere. And in a matter of one conversation, I’ve convinced her otherwise.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to find the right words to say. I want to tell Logan how much I love her. How much I need her. How she makes me a better person. But I can’t tell her I love her right now because I don’t want her to think it’s a Hail Mary in an effort to make her feel better or forgive me. I want to tell her when the timing is right. When she knows I’m sincere.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say instead. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Logan.” I kiss the side of her head and linger my lips there, hoping for a response, but instead, she remains silent.
I don’t know what else to say. There’s not really anything else I can say. I just have to prove to her that I didn’t mean any of those spiteful words I said last night.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, too,” she surprises me by saying as my body begins to relax.
She turns around in my embrace, causing my arms to drape across her shoulders. She’s fucking beautiful this morning without any makeup on, cute little beanie covering her head. Every time I look at her, I’m reminded how lucky I am, but especially today. Thank god that Logan has a forgiving heart when it comes to me, but still, I need to stop taking advantage of it.
“Hi,” I say again as I look down at my pretty girl.
“Hi.” She gives me a smile. It’s the first I’ve seen from her in a while.
I lean down to place my lips on hers, wanting to feel them and needing the reassurance. I make sure to kiss her long and sweetly, trying to tell her how much I love her without saying the words. She’s a combination of vanilla and coffee this morning, with a touch of mint from her toothpaste. She tastes like heaven, same as always, but I appreciate it all a little more today.
Moving our mugs down the railing a bit, so I don’t knock them off into the lake below us, I tighten my grip around her shoulders. I lean into her hug as Logan strokes the length of my back. I love it when she does this, it’s soothing and caring, but she has no reason to take care of me today. Today needs to be about her and reminding her how important she is to me.
“Are you hungry?”
“Always,” she says into my chest, causing me to chuckle.
“I can make you breakfast.”
She pulls away from my embrace to look at me with a skeptical expression. “You’re going to cook for me?”
“Yep. Anything you want.”
“Pancakes?” she asks with a raised brow.
“I can do pancakes.” I quickly nod, trying to convince her. Granted, Mary did the cooking for us boys growing up, but I’ve lived on my own for the last four years, so I’ve picked up some skills in the kitchen along the way.
“Blueberry pancakes?”
“Okay, now you’re pushing it too far,” I sarcastically say, earning another smile from her as a bit more of the pressure lifts off my chest.
“But, anything for you.” I kiss her cheek then collarbone before pulling away to hand her her coffee mug. “I think we have blueberries in the refrigerator.”
We walk back up the dock together, towards the house, carrying our coffee. Logan has the blanket wrapped around her like a cape and it drags behind her on the ground. I was hoping to hold her hand so I could make myself feel better, but Logan keeps both of her hands clutched around the warmth of her cup. I can tell she’s still a little out of sorts, but I’m hoping she’s starting to feel like herself with me again.
Logan sits on one of the tall chairs at the kitchen island as I whip up some batter for her blueberry pancakes. She looks exhausted as she rests her head in her hands and watches me pour the batter onto the griddle. It’s pretty apparent that she needs some sleep.
“Morning, Logan,” I hear my brother say. “EJ,” he adds to greet me. As I turn around from the stovetop, Marc swings his arm around my girlfriend’s shoulders, flipping me the bird with the hand that’s draped over her. I can tell he’s trying to hold back his smile, but Logan can’t help it as her dimples become more prominent.
“Yeah, I deserve that,” I admit with a shrug and a grin. I already know I’m going to get an earful from him about last night, but I’m just glad he’s not doing it first thing in the morning.
“How’d you sleep?” Marc asks Logan.
“Good,” she lies while simultaneously shooting me a secretive glance, imploring me to stay silent. She doesn’t like to burden the people around her, and for once, I’m glad because I already feel terrible, and I don’t need Marc to make me feel worse.
“Do you want some pancakes?” I ask my brother.
