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"How do I get past th-this? I-it hurts s-so much, I-I can't breathe. Why did he h-have to d-do this to me, t-to us?" My mother-in-law is already out of her seat, her arms wrapped tightly around me, rocking me as I finally, after three years, let myself feel all the pain Damian caused. The cheating, the lies, and the betrayal come out in painful sobs. Maria holds me tight with one arm as the other strokes my hair. I look up and see Bruce holding Adam as he cries with me. April has tears falling from her eyes, and Bruce's eyes are wet as they finally know the pain I've managed to hide away. All my anger at my family and Damian gives way to the unbearable pain that I have tried to keep at bay. It hurts so fucking much.
Maria takes my face in her hands, her eyes wet. "I know this hurts, baby, it hurts bad. But this right here is good. You have been holding this in for years; you've let rage take over. You've concentrated on my granddaughter and shoved these feelings aside. These are the feelings you’ve held back for three years; these are the feelings he must hear for you both to move on together and to forgive." More tears fall down my cheeks, and she wipes them softly, then continues, "I can promise you, once you show him your pain, you'll both be able to heal." I close my eyes as she places a kiss on my forehead.
"Many, many years ago," she whispers, "my husband, the love of my life, slept with someone else. This other woman tried getting pregnant by putting holes in the condom. It nearly destroyed me." My heart pounds. The thought of Dimitri hurting his wife is a scary thought; their love story is one of the ages. Yes, there’s was an arranged marriage, but they had been in love before, sneaking out to see each other. "We'd had an argument about when we should have kids, I wasn't ready yet, but he wanted an heir. I told him to impregnate someone else then. I just didn’t think he’d take me literally. Unfortunately, the woman he slept with was not sane; she had built an imaginary life with Dimitri in her head, and when my husband refused to give up on our love despite our ruptured marriage, she stood in front of us and stabbed herself in the stomach when he told her he wouldn't leave me. He was trying to get me to move home, and she'd followed him to where I was staying. She killed her baby, and I struggled to forgive Dimitri; if he loved me, he wouldn't have slept with her in the first place, drunk or not. The guards got her to the hospital. We followed and watched as she screamed at the doctor, who was trying to see if the baby had survived. Then she saw me. I don't know where she got the strength, but she pulled the knife from her belly, and ran for me. A security guard shot her, and she died five minutes later, choking on her own blood.
They determined that she had been stalking my husband for years after he helped her pick up her purse one morning. She saw a golden opportunity when he decided to go get drunk after our fight. He said he regretted it instantly but thought that if I didn't find out, then no harm was done. He wasn't expecting her to send me the recording of their night together and a picture of the pregnancy test. After the autopsy, it was determined she was actually a lot further along in her pregnancy; the baby did not belong to my husband. But at that point, I didn't care; he lied to me. I didn't talk to Dimitri for over a year, but he didn't give up; he kept coming to my parents' house daily."
I look into her eyes. I can see her pain.
I whisper, "Why did you take him back?"
She smiles softly, her hand going through my hair. "Because I missed him so much. I didn't have people around me to distract me or a new baby to keep me occupied. I felt like I was dying every day, missing the other half of my soul, because, like you and Damian, Dimitri was also my best friend. I decided to give him another chance, and two months later, I was pregnant with Alexandr.”
My eyes go glossy again, and I nod. She hugs me tight.
Adam and April encourage me to meet Damian, agreeing with Bruce.
"I think you should go tonight, sweets. You need to open your heart to him. Three years, that's how long we have known you. Three years, that's how long you have been slowly dying inside. The only time you lit up was with Mila; you were just going through the motions. You were never happy. Even when we celebrated your graduation, you were missing something…. Him. You have spent years trying to ensure your daughter's happiness while pushing yours away, because you knew he was your happiness. Give him a chance, darling."
Tears fall again, and I sob as I nod. Maria moves to the side as all three wrap me in their arms. I spend the rest of my time with my friends, knowing they won't be here tomorrow. They have to get back to their lives in Marfa, and Gloria would be pissed if Adam missed his shift tomorrow with how packed they have been recently.
An hour after they leave, I'm dressed in a lilac maxi dress, with thin straps crisscrossed on my back, and strappy sandals. I leave my hair down. One of Dimitri's driver’s picks me up. I couldn't use Damian's, otherwise, he'd know, plus there is still a chance he won't show up. I did leave him and take our daughter with me; he could have spent the last week realizing he resents me. My heart beats fast at the thought.
Don't be silly; he loves you, avoice whispers in my head, and I listen to it for once.
An hour later, I arrive at the Hampton’s house. Gosh, it's more beautiful than I remember. Tears shine in my eyes again. I take a deep breath and get out, heading toward the beach, where there are a dozen candles everywhere, just like the day he proposed, and the tears flow down my cheeks.
He's here.
thirty four
Damian
This week has fucking sucked.
My brother and parents tried to be reassuring, but it didn’t work. The only time I stayed preoccupied was when I had Mila. Fuck, Sofia has done right with her so far. She's amazing—a lot like me, though. When I didn't have Mila, I was fighting in our underground fight club. It was that or go around killing people.
I miss my wife so fucking much. After not having her for three years, and then having her again for a short amount of time, this is killing me. If she doesn't show up, fuck what Marvin said. I'm kidnapping her and tying her to the fucking bed until she comes to her senses. I haven't even glanced at another woman; my wife is all I see.
Two nights ago, when Alexandr and Sergi thought I needed to get out, they took us to our club, and one of the waitresses propositioned me. I guess I not only shocked her but also my brother and best friend when I threatened to slit her throat if she tried to rub on me again, then reminded her I'm a married man and a changed man for my wife. Their faces were priceless.
Now, I'm currently standing on the edge of the shoreline, with dozens of candles lit around me. I wanted to recreate the night I proposed, praying she shows. I know my mother went over there today and that Sofia finally broke down and let everything out, but I don't know she decided. My mother came home with red eyes, and my father held onto her tight as she cried. It doesn’t look good for me.
"Please, show up, Sofia, or I'm tracking you down," I whisper under my breath before I hear footsteps from the pathway. I quickly turn around. My heart races, and a lump forms in my throat. She's here; she fucking came. My shoulders fall in relief. I close my eyes and tilt my head back, praying the tears forming in my eyes don't fall. I open them and walk to her but stop when she speaks.
"You hurt me. Y-you were m-my best friend." She sounds so broken. My tears fall anyway, caused by the hurt in her voice as it cracked.
I start to walk toward her again. She sobs, tearing me from the inside out. When I get a few feet away, I stop. I know she needs to get this out. This is what we've all been waiting for. It's time for my wife to let everything go, and give me her pain, so I can heal her and never fucking hurt her again. I stand with my hands fisted as my sides, to stop me from grabbing her and holding her tight.
"Y-you were m-my entire world; I-I loved you so much, I a-always have, a-and you destroyed me. All for what? P-pussy, f-freedom. You still had a-all that with me, and even before y-you made us official, you had that. Your excuses are pa-pathetic." Her tears fall quicker, and I cannot stay away any longer. I take two big steps and wrap her in my arms. She fists my shirt and sobs in my chest. "I-I need-needed you, and you-you failed me, I-I n-needed you." She slams her fists into my chest as she cries uncontrollably. My tears fall fast and hard, seeing the pain I've put her through and the pain she has held in all this time.
"I-I feel-feel like I-I c-can't breathe, i-it hurts s-s-so much, why, why did y-you d-do this to us, why?" I squeeze her tighter, knowing nothing I say will make this right; she has to let it out. "Why wasn't I enough?"
Fuck. When Dad said I had to just take everything she said tonight, I don't think he realized how much I fucking hurt her. This is killing me.
She's crying uncontrollably, and my heart is breaking in two. Now I understand why leaving for our daughter’s sake was an easy option for her. Instead of confronting the hurt and pain all of us put her through, she decided to bottle it all up and protect Mila instead.
I kiss the top of her head, unable to take it anymore.
