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"French toast!" she shouts, making me laugh.
I make the French toast, her favorite, just like her dad's, and wait until she's finished before I pour her a glass of milk and clean her and the small kitchen. I get her bag with a change of just-in-case clothes, wipes, and diapers for if she needs them. So far, her potty training is going amazing, with no accidents, so hopefully, we won't need them. Then I grab the wrapped Frozen Elsa doll that Mila chose for her friend, and get Mila's jacket and Frozen sneakers on. Once I have my coat on, we lock up and head out.
As we pass April’s apartment, we knock to let her know we’re leaving.
Through the door, she shouts, "Have fun!"
Making Mila giggle while I just shake my head with a little chuckle. It takes ten minutes to get to Amy's on foot, and Lindsey, her mom, answers with a bright smile while Mila runs ahead of me, taking the present to her friend. The party last three hours, and once the kids play games and have a range of food from chicken nuggets to sandwiches to cakes and ice cream, and Amy opens her presents, we say thank you and wave bye to the children who haven't been picked up yet. Only a handful of parents stayed, including me. I don't like to leave her if I do not have to.
"Mamma, park?" Mila asks while holding my hand, looking up at me, and switching to Russian again. I smile, bend down, and pick her up.
"Are you too tired?" I ask with a smile. She shakes her head furiously, making me chuckle. "Ok, bambina, let's go then." She squeals with delight again, wiggles to get down, then holds my hand. It only takes five minutes to get to the park near our apartment, and when we do, Mila runs toward the swings, making me smile. We spend twenty minutes there before she wants to slide. After another fifteen minutes, she decides to play in the sandbox.
Once I know she's happy there, I point to the bench just a few feet away to tell her that's where I'll be sitting, making her nod and smile at me. I lean down and kiss her forehead.
Just as I sit down on the park bench, a shadow falls over me. I look up and pale.
"Hello, mladshaya sestra." Little sister. Alexandr.
I look at Mila but she's not paying any attention, she's too busy building sandcastles.
I look back at Alexandr and ask, "How'd you find me?"
He sits next to me on the bench, placing his arm on the back of it behind me, his eyes on Mila.
"Fucking luck, we've been searching for you for three years now. It was by chance that one of our men was in the area, meeting the MC one town over. He noticed you coming out of the grocery store. We didn't believe it until we noticed that." He points to my necklace with my wedding rings, then turns back to look at Mila again.
Fuck, I couldn't part with them. Even after all this time, Damian’s always going to be my one and only love. I'm bound to him, but that doesn't mean I want anything to do with him.
"It's then we knew it was you, although…." He looks me in the eye now and nods his head toward Mila. "We thought she was your neighbor’s kis, and you just watched her. We couldn't even find a birth certificate for her because, clearly, we were looking in the wrong direction. But she's not your neighbor’s kid, is she? Because she's a spitting image of me, her dedushka—my father, and her dad. The timing also seems right. I sat over there on that bench opposite you and watched as you played with her. I remembered a conversation with my brother; he mentioned you had something important, some life-changing news to tell him two days before the wedding. I'm guessing that new was about that little girl there."
I'm at a loss for words, feeling sicker by the minute. I want to grab her and run, but I know I can't. They have eyes on me now.
He continues, "He doesn't know; he still thinks she's your friend's kid." He sighs, "He is here, as are my parents and your father. We haven't told your mother yet, for obvious reasons. We agreed I'd approach you first before anyone else does; we've always been close, and I know I lied to you, too…. He's put you through a lot, as well as me and our families, and I know why you did it—left, kept her a secret. He broke you, and we all let him, your family, and the people you love. You felt betrayed, but that wasn't a good enough reason to keep her from us or her dad, was it? I'm betting you were still going to let him have access and be a father. I'm guessing maybe a day before the ceremony, you figured out you were having a girl, and you were scared she would have the same fate you did. You wanted to protect her."
I shoot my head in his direction, and he looks back at me with sincerity and pain. He hit the nail on the head. Well, that, and I don't want my mother anywhere near her until she’s sober and Mattia is no longer around.
"I'm sorry, Sofia. I'm sorry for my part in it all; you were the little sister I never wanted, but I loved you dearly like one anyway, and I helped them break you. I'm sorry, and I've missed you, mladshaya sestra."
I feel the tears well up in my eyes and stare at him for a minute as his eyes start to turn glossy, and I can't help my reaction. I lunge forward, wrap my arms around his neck, and hug him tight.
"I've missed you, too," I whisper with a small sob, and he squeezes tighter. Some tears have fallen and landed on his black shirt, but he holds me tighter.
We break apart a few minutes later, and I wipe my eyes as I hear a squeal from Mila and quickly turn my head to see her running our way.
"Dyadya Al," she cries out, then launches into his arms. I gasp and place my hand to my mouth as more tears fall while he catches her and holds her tight. He gazes at me with his glossy eyes, shocked that she knew who he was.
How can I keep them apart now? And more importantly, do I want to? But can I trust them not to do her what they did to me?
I sigh.
It looks like I'm contacting the lawyer sooner than I thought!
fourteen
Damian
I'm sitting in the penthouse at the Maryland Hotel in Marfa, waiting for Alexandr to return. Both my parents are sitting with me on the sofa while my head is cradled in my hands, trying not to run after her myself.
