AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I just needed to explain.
Come home, Pixie, please. I need you.
I love you.
Your Lucas."
I wipe away the fallen tears and slip the letter back in the envelope, placing it in my bag, unwilling to lose it.
I've read five letters this week, and they all express his pain.
Before returning home after Noah was hurt, I was adamant I wouldn't let him back into my heart, adamant to never forgive him for hurting me the way he did, for choosing her. Then, I found out the truth, which only made me angrier and more hurt. I was willing to finally put him behind me, hating that he chose to hurt me that way to protect me, instead of speaking to me.
Heck, he could have tied me up just so I didn't hand myself in, but instead, he chose her, protecting me.
But then I read his letters. I read his pain, his hurt.I realized I hurt him more than he hurt me when I left. My calls were the only thing that were helping him get through.
And I destroyed him by not telling him about our daughter.
I think we both had to learn to trust and forgive each other. We both hurt, we both had secrets, and I hope—I pray—we'll get through to the other side. I can't live another day without him anymore.
I lean my head back and close my eyes. The more letters I read, the harder it was to breathe, and the fact I was the reason he got stabbed because I thought I was saving him; well, that just sucks!
"I wish you were here, baby girl…"I whisper into the sky. "I think of you every day. I wonder what you would look like, if your hair would be black like mine or dark blonde like your daddy's; if whether you had his eyes…."
My tears fall.
"You would have been one, baby. A whole year old…."
I shake my head, trying to control my emotions. I didn't tell Lucas where I was going. I left while he was still asleep. I wanted him to get some rest before his first day back at work tomorrow, and though it's only desk duty, it's still going to be difficult for him.
"I feel guilty, baby,"I whisper, "I wish I had let you meet your daddy. It's going to be the biggest regret of my life."I sigh, playing with my necklace. "I had every right to be mad at him. I had every right to leave, to do something for me, and working at that hospital was the best experience of my life, even if I did miss your daddy and home." I whisper, "I had no right to keep him from you. I had no right to cremate you without him getting to say goodbye, to hold you, and for that I'll never forgive myself."
I open my eyes when I hear tires on gravel and scowl when the club's truck stops near my Range Rover, which my man forced me to start driving. I notice Lucas climbing out of the passenger side.
He's supposed to be resting.
I shake my head and murmur,"Well, it looks like your daddy is in big trouble, baby girl."
He slowly walks my way as Phil puts the truck in reverse and pulls away, leaving us alone.
He smirks at my scowl and states, "Pixie, don't give me that look. You left the club without telling me; you know I was bound to come and track you down."
I huff, narrowing my eyes at him, making him grin wide at me before slowly lowering himself down beside me. He places his arm over my shoulders, and I lean against him. I place my nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling his cologne and scent as my hand grips his cut.
"How'd you know where I'd be?"I ask as he runs his fingers through my hair.
"She would have been one today, baby,"he rasps back, and I nod, my tears falling again, causing him to hold on to me tighter.
He remembered….
"I read another letter today,"I admit after a few minutes of silence. He sighs, pressing his nose to the top of my head.
"Pixie, I've told you maybeit'sbest you don't read them anymore. You haven't even read half of them, and all they do is make you feel guilty. They hurt you, baby,"he states, a bite to his tone.
I hold him tighter to me and whisper, "I have to read them. They help me open my eyes to see I wasn't the only one struggling. It makes me understand your pain, and puts things into perspective for me. I hurt for so long and hated for so long. I was lonely and bitter…."
He sighs. "I hate seeing you hurt, Pixie; when you hurt, I hurt, and knowing it's my words making you cry…."
