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Because I'm my mother's daughter….
I wrap my arms around his head, sobbing, "I'm sorry, Lucas…."
23
Doc
My Pixie holds me tight as we sob in the club's backyard. The pain of not seeing her, not being able to hold my little girl, kills me slowly.
So much pain….
She didn't realize it, but she was punishing me for my decisions in not letting me know, and Breaker and a woman I thought of as my momma doing the same.
They all punished me when I was trying to protect her, even after finding out the truth, they continued to punish me.
"Please, forgive me, Lucas, please…. I'm so sorry…" she pleads, holding me tighter, and I just sob, not giving a shit about our audience.
My daughter, my fucking daughter….
"I'm so sorry…. Please, I'm so sorry…" she sobs over and over, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her to me, making her cry harder.
I love her with everything that I am, that's why I've moved her in. I don't want to give up on us; I want to fight just like I have all this time, but my pain, the hurt, is killing me. I feel like I can't breathe.
She tried to kill herself, and I wasn't there for her.
She gave birth, and I wasn't there.
She got to hold our little girl, mourn and say goodbye, while I suffered without the knowledge of her existence.
I blame myself, I blame my actions, I blame Breaker and Momma, I blame that selfish bitch, and I blame Kennedy.
I put my face into the crook of her neck, feeling at home with her in my arms.
I hear Snake rasp, "Let's give them some privacy. Everyone back inside now. Shelly, Lola, move, please."
"But-but…"Momma stutters, but Snake cuts her off.
"No. Only one person will make sure he stays, and that's her. They need to talk this out now that it's not so raw. Inside."
I hear the back door shut but I don't look up, keeping my face on my girl's neck as she holds me tightly. She's straddling my legs from where I sit on my knees, my arms tightly around her, and I don't want to move.
I want all the pain to go, to hold her tight and never let go.
"You protected me, and I threw it in your face…. I’m so sorry, Lucas,"she mumbles against my neck, and I squeeze her tighter.
"You thought I made you the other woman, you thought I claimed her out of love,"I rasp back, refusing to let her blame herself for everything.
She sniffles."Apart of me knew, though, Lucas. I knew your character, the love you felt for me, and the weight of the promise you made."
I sigh and lift my head, causing her to move, before I place my forehead against hers, and whisper, "You hurt blinded you, Pixie."
Her tears fall as her hands go to my stubbled cheeks, her thumb gently rubbing against my jaw.
She admits, "I was scared you were going to blame me."I furrow my brows in confusion, and she sobs. "I thought it was my fault that her heart stopped, and I-I thought you would blame me. I punished you for something you did to protect me because I buried that man to save you, to protect you. I pushed you away because my hurt was destroying you, and I thought you'd blame me. I'll never forgive myself for this."
I hold her tighter and murmur,"You didn't know, Pixie. How you felt, it was warranted. I should have just told you the truth. I should have gone after you after I realized where you went and explained, and I'm so fucking sorry I never did. I love you, Kennedy Gray, Ilove you so much, and our daughter…. We both know these things can happen. It wasn't your fault, baby."
She lets out a sob, then kisses me, and I instantly melt. I press my lips to hers, then break the kiss before I rasp, "Let's go home, baby."
