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My breathing is hard, and I blink, coming out of my fog, and—oh crap, he's with Prue. He has a girlfriend.
He has a girlfriend!
My stomach bottoms out at what I've just done, and I clear my throat before slowly getting up. I’m quickly realizing what he’s just done; he just gave me a pity kiss, the love of my life….
"Ken…." he murmurs, knowing where my thoughts have just gone.
I shake my head and whisper, "You have a girlfriend," before leaving the storage room, my tears staining my cheeks as he calls out for me.
What did we do?
What did he do?
Half an hour later, I headed home after Claudia gave me the rest of the day off. Doc stood by the desk and watched me leave, his eyes burning into my backallwhile my lips tingled from his kiss, a kiss I've dreamed about experiencing since I was sixteen.
As I get home, I hear the music and sigh before walking in.
The sight makes me want to vomit. Momma is on her back in front of my father, who, once again is ignoring her, with her legs are spread eagle and the same woman from last night is eating her out.
Just what a daughter wants to flipping see.
I shake my head and go to my room. I ignore the several bodies snorting coke and lock the door, before undressing and grabbing the black hoodie from my closet. I put it on, hating that it doesn't smell like Doc anymore, but I had to wash it. I climb into bed, where I sob.
I sob for the little girl and the life she lost.
I sob for my broken heart, wanting a man who doesn't see me that way.
And I sob for the little girl I was, and what the reality could have been.
4
Kennedy – One Month Later
I smile at Nancy, my thirty-four-year-old patient, as I hand her the discharge papers. Someone will roll her out of the building in the wheelchair to her husband who is pulling the car around to the pick-up/drop off. She'd been admitted for food poisoning after her husband tried to spoil her with a special meal while they were kid-free.
As you can imagine, it didn't work. Several flowers arrangements around the room show his apology for taking her to a seafood truck—something about trying to save money.
Men can be idiots sometimes.
With a shake of my head, noticing her husband running in for her, I walk over to the nurse's desk, ready to clock out.
I've been on the graveyard shift, and I am tired. I was supposed to be gone by seven this morning, but Becky was a no-show for her shift. Her daddy is on the board, and she gets one too many passes for my liking. Even last month with that little girl, she got a slap on the wrist, and that was it, despite not calling in for child services and security immediately. That little girl is dead because she left her with her parents.
Always listen to the patient. Always.
I check the time and see it's nearing four in the afternoon. This means I've been on shift for twenty-one hours. Amelia smiles as I put my chart in her tray.
"You are amazing, you know that?" she says, and I answer back with a hum because, yeah, words are not working right now. She furrows her brows and asks, "Are you going to be safe driving home? Maybe you should stay in the on-call room."
I smile and nod before pecking her cheek in thanks, then heading to the staff room for my belongings. The less I talk, the less energy I'll use, and the safer I'll drive. Well, I hope, because as much as I hate living at Momma's, staying in the on-call room is a big no-no for me. That's where I've seen Prue leave on a few occasions. I never see Doc doing the walk of shame; I'm already gone before he does. There's only so much hurt I can take.
Plus, I've been dodging him since our kiss. It's why I've switched to nights for the past month, using my “I need more experience” reply as an excuse. I knew Doc was off today, but he's in tomorrow, and I don't want to risk bumping into him. When his lips touched mine, honest to God, I saw fireworks. My body lit up, goosebumps ran all over my skin, and then I had the feeling of home.
He's my home but I'm not his, I'm his little sister's annoying friend and, that day, he was trying to comfort me. He was trying to take away the pain I was feeling for that little girl and myself.
He pitied me.
With a sigh, I grab my bag and head out of the staff room, ready for sleep. However, I note the time and silently groan, knowing there are most likely several people at home.
